


Yearning

by sepulcherbat (0ddg0d)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fights, Friendship, I is you, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, POV First Person, Past Child Abuse, References to Depression, Unrequited Love, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 28,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24595711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0ddg0d/pseuds/sepulcherbat
Summary: Everyone experiences feelings of yearning. Whether its an object, a person, or a specific time and place.We all yearn for something.  A yearning we often experience is nostalgia, a yearning for distorted, melancholic past of better days.(Y/N) often yearns for the past, yearning for what was once there if it was there at all. The past will never leave her, she can never forget it nor can she fully embrace it. She's a rebellious girl with a strong exterior that's endured so much, but inside there's the dark emptiness. More than once does she find herself to be a scapegoat, she does her fair share of trouble, engaging in fights to protect students from bullying. Hogwarts was the opportunity she desperately needed in her life to discovering herself, her capabilities, and newfound relationships that will include a familiar brooding boy, Severus Snape, and werewolf Remus Lupin.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Reader, Severus Snape/You
Comments: 52
Kudos: 34





	1. Nostaglia | What was once there, if it was there at all

**Author's Note:**

> I am really upset since I accidentally deleted the complete draft of this that was ready to post! It was perfect. (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)ﾟ  
> This is better to read via computer!
> 
> Anyway, this idea came to me the other night or so, I decided what the heck and went on to write a bit of this.  
> The reader has half and half hair that is black and white, if you do not like it then please imagine it is whatever your preference is!  
> The reader is Gryffindor in this work!
> 
> I want to express there will be strong themes in this work that will include blood status bullying, implied depression, child abuse (emotionally/verbally/physical), fighting, and implied/mention of suicide. Please do not read this if you are uncomfortable with those themes!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this and continue to enjoy my other Severus Snape reader-insert, Overthinker! ♡  
> This work also has a Spotify playlist. ♡  
> https://tinyurl.com/yckrd888

The Greek word for "return" is nostos. Algos means "suffering."

So nostalgia is the suffering caused by an unappeased yearning to return.

Milan Kundera

I can remember the days before I got the letter.

The days before _the incident_.

The days that we were all happy.

I don't know why things changed, they just did.

_"It's **your** fault!"_

It was my fault that much I knew.

How could I not? I can never forget it, especially when you're always reminded that you're to blame.

I often yearn for what no longer exists.

But there are moments when I believe all of it was never real.

Perhaps things are better this way.

Deep inside I knew it wasn't, but everything else in me and around me says otherwise.

_"It's for the best."_

* * *

Dear Miss Prunk,

  
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. The term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

  
Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall   
Deputy Headmistress

* * *

Getting this letter is both a blessing and a curse.

It confirms those feelings and happenings I've had as a child. I knew I wasn't imagining all those things.

There really is magic in me.

This is my opportunity to leave this place so I can discover myself, the extent of my abilities, and to explore a life beyond the foul, lifeless town of Cokeworth.

P-R-U-N-K.

Prunk. Miss Prunk.

I hated seeing that name. It disgusts me. It caused the firestorm within me to burn even hotter.

That's _**his**_ **_name_** , it's not mine or **_hers_**. It was never **_hers_ **and its mine to refuse.

 ** _His_ _name_** will **never** be mine, nor would I ever associate it to me.

I deserved that much and _**she**_ did, too.

The unfortunate part is that it isn't all year. I wish I wouldn't have to come home at all.

It's been years since this place was ever home to me. Now, it's just a sort of prison with no escape.

I just have to wait out my sentence. 

Sometimes I wonder if things could have been different, but I knew better than to even try to think about it and the 'what-ifs.' 

There's no point in thinking about what will never be.

There's no point in thinking about what was never really there.

I just wish I could stop thinking about these things all the time, but like I said, 

**"I can never forget."**


	2. Remember | When we met

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember when we met? Remember how we met? Remember what I wore? Could you remember the first time you saw that twinkle of mischief in my eyes?  
> It was on the train on the way to our home. Hogwarts. Where everything followed suit after we met that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have finally updated this! Oh, gods. Haha.

Wednesday 

1st September 1971

Hogwarts Express

  
Saying it took a bit is an understatement when trying to convince Patrick Thomas Prunk to let me leave that hellhole place he called a 'home.' I'm on my way to my real home, at least the closest thing to a home I'd ever get. 

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The train ride was relatively quiet for me until other students had rudely disrupted me by invading my compartment. I couldn't help the exasperated sigh that escaped me, obviously going unnoticed by my noisy peers. I took whatever belongings I had in the chamber, leaving with a slam of the door behind me. At this point, I was highly annoyed with a headache as I had to venture further on the train for a new seat, hopefully, a more quiet group. 

After opening a door leading to another section of the train, I heard a pair of rowdy boys talking if you can consider it as talking since I'm listening to it from outside the compartment. There was something in me for some reason I could not explain that compelled me to listen to whatever was going on there. 

"Slytherin?"

A boy's voice asked with sudden interest. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"

A new boy's voice broke out. "My whole family have been in Slytherin."

The first boy spoke again with surprise in his voice. 'Blimey! And I thought you seemed alright!"

Boy number two responded smugly, "Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"

With excitement, the first male responded, "'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart' like my dad." 

Following immediately in response to the boy's choice was a scoff. Someone has a dislike for the house 'Gryffindor.' 

"Got a problem with that?"

Now a third voice broke out with a sneer. "No, if you'd rather be brawny than brainy-"

Before he got to finish his thought, he was interrupted by the boy, based on his voice, I believe, to be Slytherin family. "Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?"

Granted, the third boy had taunted such a response, and it annoyed me. His friend howled with laughter as if it was the funniest thing he's ever heard. It wasn't. The remark was just as stupid as when people say, 'I know you are, but what am I?' Overall, a failure of a comeback. 

Finally, a female voice broke the series of male voices. "Come on, Severus, let's find another compartment." 

The two childish, antagonizing boys began to mock the girl's voice in a duet of, 'ooooooo.' Earning yet another eye roll. It's a wonder why my eyes haven't rolled to the back of my skull. 

A small thud sound came as the door opened, revealing the four I've been eavesdropping. 

Peering inside, I saw that we were all the same age that much was clear. Out of all of them, the girl was the standout. Looking at her, she had clear pale skin with burning ruby red locks of hair and the most unforgettable green eyes you'd ever see. Her hand held onto the arm of a boy. He's as pale as her but with a sickly undertone and hair the color of a raven's feather with sullen onyx eyes. Across from them, I didn't have to guess, were the pair of fools. The one by the window had dark hair like the sickly boy, but it had a shine. It was showing how well-kept it is. On his face, he had circular black rim glasses behind them were his blue eyes. 

His friend sat by the door, and he had wavy dark brown tresses with grey eyes that had a sort of blue tint. 

As the first two I saw were about to walk out, one of the boys said, 'See ya, Snivellus!' Something in me just snapped. I couldn't control my body and any of the actions I was about to do as I brushed past the pair into the compartment. My eyes harden as I looked at the sitting ninnies. Before I knew it, my fist had collided with Glasses, knocking him further back into his seat and out of his laughter. His hands immediately flew to his nose as a red liquid seeped through his fingers. Grey-Eyes stopped laughing and gave me a look of disbelief before hopping onto his feet. However, I also punched him, luckily in comparison to Glasses, I hit his jaw instead of his nose. His head had whipped around as a result. 

'What the hell?!"

My anger got the best of me, but I couldn't continue to stand there and tolerate how much of an arse they were. Not to mention they were highly annoying, to begin with, which was rude in itself then to think it's okay to bully that boy? Perhaps he did provoke them a bit, but they could have also butted out of things in the beginning. A scoff leaves me as I looked at the boys in their pitiful state, and moments after I turned around and left that wretched space. The door slammed, but I didn't bother looking back. I just kept going until I found my own space. 

My newfound silence wouldn't last long as a knock came, followed by the sliding of the door, revealing the redhead and the ravenette. 

"Hey, mind if we sit with you?" She smiled softly. Her smile, that smile, it was like the sun was radiating at you. "Go ahead." I nodded at the ugly green plaid seats across from me. Redhead went in as soon as she got the okay compared to the dark-haired boy who was reluctant to pass the threshold.

'Severus, that's what she called him earlier if I can recall.' 

'Severus' eventually sat by the door in silence while casting a gaze in my direction with those dark orbs. "Lily Evans. I usually wouldn't go with actions like that, but I can't say they didn't have it coming. You're... I dunno, amazing." She laughs with such an excited tone. My lips couldn't help but twitch in a small smile in return to hers. 

"(Y/N).... Lunaris," I hesitantly said my last name though I couldn't understand where it came from, I did, though. "Lunaris? That's such a unique last name! It's pretty, too." Lily gushed. 

Again I smiled, but I felt more awkward this time though she meant well. "Oh! As you more than likely know by now, this is Severus. Severus Snape." She radiated as she formally introduced me to the silent boy. I nodded before looking out the window at the passing countryside. 

"You're not much of a talker either, are you? Kinda like Sev here." She broke the silence again, making me believe she didn't particularly enjoy the silence as much as us. A social butterfly, a kind extrovert that needed to speak, refusing to let any quietness exist as long as she was around. "I suppose so." I shrugged, not entirely sure how to take her observation. 

This time though, she allowed the small space stillness. "You should change into your robes. Although you should already be in them in the first place." Severus broke the silence this time, finally speaking since the earlier encounter. While I suppose I appreciate the advice, he didn't have to, so matter of fact about it, earning an eye roll from me. 

It would be a lie if I said I wouldn't miss my regular clothes over school uniforms. My band shirts, flannels, long-sleeve tees, leather and denim jackets, better skirts, shorts, jeans, and all of my tights and stupid accessories are all things I'd miss every day. 'Already such an edgelord, I know.' That thought earned a scoff as I eventually grabbed the robes I need to wear though I wouldn't wear them to a T. As a sort of defiance, I still wore my scuffed combat boots over the mary janes, my slightly torn tights, and the standard uniform. The grey vest was dumb to me, which I didn't bother to wear as well. My tie is worn loosely, a button or two on my white shirt unbuttoned, and lastly, my black robes open as it rests on my shoulders. 

Once the door slides open, my company turned to look at me, eyeing my attire silently. "Erm... (Y/N), you know that your uniform is a bit... undone?" Lily's brow was arched. 

I returned the same look at the redhead as I sat down. "No, it's done." I simply told her, looking her in the eye showing the noticeable twinkle in my (e/c) orbs. Her green ones blinked, but her lips would eventually curl into a smile. 

By the time we arrived, it was night, where we got off the train first tears were separated from the other schoolmates, leaving us with a man who was basically a hairy giant holding a lantern. He announced that his name was Rubeus Hagrid and that he was the Games Keeper tasked with leaving us to the castle. For some reason, the first years were to take boats across the lake he called the Black Lake. The giant said four to a boat with me in my vessel with my train companions and a very annoying, flirty blonde boy that smelled over flowery, making me gag in the back.

I think I understood why we take the boats as first years because the view of the Hogwarts was just a moment of pure magic itself. This place is my home. Honestly, I'm afraid if I blink that I'd wake up and this was all but a dream. But it wasn't. 

Soon enough, we arrived at the castle at the lower level, where we'd meet with a professor that'd conduct the 'sorting ceremony.' It took place in an enormous great hall with four long tables, seating students of all ages. Professors and the Headmaster were at the very end of the room with their surface. 

My mind didn't exactly pay the closest attention to the ceremony, only catching some names and what houses they got. Eventually, the green-clad professor called that name I dreaded so. 

"(Y/N) Prunk?"

"Miss Prunk? Is there a miss Prunk?" 

I stepped forward with a deep breath, looking at the woman before turning to face the school body with a fire in my eyes. 

"Its Lunaris. (Y/N) Lunaris." Confidence swelled inside of me as I announced myself. "Prunk is not my last name; it will never be. If you call that name, you'll meet nothing but silence. So, do yourselves a favor." 

I grinned. "Remember, its Lunaris." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm a bit anxious about my works and how they are turning out so far.  
> Let me know what you guys think. ♡ Always replying to comments as well.  
> Also I hope no one got confused with the "" with the '' :') Sorry if anyone did! (The first is speaking and second is thoughts!) ><  
> Have a good one!~


	3. Reflection | Just maybe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your very first day. It's not as easy for you to get the hang of things like the other students, it's frustrating. So far you found you were somewhat adequate at two classes so far, better than none. Surprisingly, you get approached by three housemates, but why? What could they possibly want? It's not like you have much to offer. At least you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry I haven't updated this in a moment. I hope you guys enjoy this new chapter. ><  
> Lemme know what you think. ♡

"Audentis fortuna invat." 

"Otherwise known as the phrase, Fortune favors the bold."

Virgil

  
"Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart. Their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindor apart." 

It turns out the Sorting Hat determined I was the perfect student for Gryffindor. The good news about my newfound house is that Lily is also a Gryffindor. However, there's always bad news that follows the good, the two blokes in the train, James Potter and Sirius Black are also Gryffindors. Severus, on the other hand, ended up in Slytherin. However, I doubt it was much surprise considering he wanted to be there anyway. Guess he got his wish. 

Despite getting the house of his preference, it was crystal clear that he was distraught about being in a different house from a specific redhead. I doubt that any other person could sense how upset he was truly feeling, but I knew when someone was masking their feelings. Of course, who would understand better than myself? 

Repressing and masking my feelings because I refuse to expose weakness to others. Doing so also helps prevent forming attachments with others. Why though? Two words. 

Betrayal.  
Abandonment. 

People get hurt by those closest to them. They always end up hurting us one way or another. What makes it worse is when they try to justify it. Most of the time, its just excuses and a feeble apology until it happens again. It's a cycle that many people spiral into, always in pain, because a loved one hurt them. They say something, a few pretty words and something they think is 'reasonable,' which they'll forgive them repeatedly. It's heartbreaking and pathetic. 

So, to prevent that, its better to be alone. Don't let people inside. Avoid showing any form of weakness. Hide from everyone. Remember to never open up to people. 

Just don't. 

It's better this way. 

Although the feeling of being able to attend Hogwarts is rapturous, I can't say it's easy. However, a multitude of students feels comfortable with everything here so far. I'm out of my element here. 

I didn't get exposed to magic. At least any real charms of the Wizarding world. The most magic I was ever exposed to was man-made, superficial, mythical, and cultural. 

This doesn't make me unique, I know that. Some other wizards and witches are 'muggle-born' as they call it, where their parents have no magic, thus making them the first in their family. They also had struggles and hardships in the magic world, trying to get a footing on their own because they didn't have the pleasure of having a magic parent. 

Or you know, a neighbor and friend that was a half-blood or pure-blood, having knowledge of the wizarding world already because they learned from their parent. Lily is lucky she had Severus to teach her about it. I am slightly envious about it, but I'll use this as a motivation to just strive for betterment. I have to prove to Patrick Prunk, to everyone else that doubts me and the extent of my abilities. Anyone could become extraordinary and surpass other's expectations if they strive for it. 

It doesn't mean it'll be easy whatsoever, though.

  
On Monday, the day started with potions alongside Slytherin. Lily and Snape both sat together in the back of the class. Somewhere in the middle close to the end, I sat by a light hair brunette boy who is also a fellow Gryffindor. His hair was short except for the center where there was a small ponytail, his eyes were a serene shade of green, and pale skin. Across his face from both cheeks, his nose, brow, and by his bottom lip were pink scars made from claws, perhaps? Maybe a pet or random animal went berserk. It doesn't detract his looks at all, though, he still looks attractive. Different and somewhat mysterious.

From what I remember when Professor Slughorn called our partners' names, I believe his name was Remus Lupin. A bit funny to me. His name Remus is derived from the Roman mythology of the two brothers Romulus and Remus. Then Lupin was also derived from the Latin word 'lupine' which means wolf. Both of the boys were also raised by a she-wolf for a time. 

A fascinating name indeed. 

The table next to us had the two boys I had decked on the train yesterday. Couldn't they have been seated elsewhere of all places? Apparently not. Glasses or Potter I should say had a bandaid on his nose, and during class, I could feel his glare throughout the course. Sirius would glance over here at times, though he didn't show the same hostility the dark-haired boy did. I doubt it would have made much of a difference to me.

We spent about half of the class going over the meaning of potions, procedures, how essential ingredients are. The weigh measurements in the wizarding world, following the proper equipment's importance and ending with the professor's list of safety rules. 

Once that was out of the way, our first potion is to make a boils cure, including curing those products by the pimple jinx. The recipe for this cure is found in our textbook, Magical Drafts and Potions and Book of Potions. According to Slughorn, as well as our book, it is labeled as a simple concoction. If we've brewed it successfully, a pink smoke will rise from the cauldron. 

To start with the potion, I started stirring the potion clockwise until the mixture turns from blue to red. Once the color shifted, I moved on to the rest of the instructions; I found that potions were, in a sense, an art much like cooking. Albeit I'm not the greatest at in the kitchen, but hey, they're close enough, right? Just a few minor different ingredients. 

  
Snape was the first person to finish the cure, followed by Lily. Somewhere in the middle, I successfully managed to brew the concoction without causing any sort of disaster. Even if I did mess up in the brewing, I think I'd rather have that then be a part of the students who ended up melting their cauldrons. 

Idiots. 

The room had such a bad odor, completely horrid. My partner, Remus' face twisted into a grimace at the foul aroma. "Smells like roses," I commented to my classmate, who turned and looked over at me.   
"Oh yes, it smells exactly like mother's perfume." He joked back. I couldn't help but chuckle, considering it reminded me of when Patrick Prunk would force me to go with him to church on Sunday mornings. The older church ladies would be overdressed and drowning in perfume that just smells suffocatingly awful. Right now, I can't tell which smells worse, the dated fragrance or the melted cauldrons. 

"(Y/N) Lunaris, wasn't it?" 

"Yeah, that's me. And you're Remus Lupin. You've got an interesting name there, Remus Lupin." I turned in my chair with a hand propped under my chin. My (e/c) eyes analyzed his pine green orbs. He was quiet for a moment before letting out a hum and a kind smile. "Ah. What makes it so interesting to you?" 

Mulling over my thoughts for a moment, I don't see the point in not being forward with the brunette. Considering my breakdown of his name doesn't really do anything—just a simple observation. "It's from Roman mythos, the story of the twin brothers Romulus and Remus. Abandoned as babes, they were saved by the river god Tiberinus who safely carried them in a basket. The brothers were first discovered by a she-wolf that they suckled from until a couple found them. Your last name, Lupin, is derived from Lupine, which is named after the Latin word 'Lupus,' meaning wolf." 

Lupin's eyes widened. "Sorry, it's just an observation. I perhaps have a plethora of useless information regarding mythology and things regarding muggles' magic and religion." He froze for just a moment and slowly nodded his head, "I see. Ahem, that was quite the examination..." He wouldn't meet my gaze after that. 

Our conversation ended there. Obviously, I'm quite the conversationalist. Eventually, Slughorn dismissed us after assigning us homework. 

Next class, Herbology with Hufflepuff, after that, we have quite a long break. 11:30 till 2:00 is our break, which our next course will be Charms with Ravenclaw. The lesson will be half charms, then we'll switch to transfiguration. 

"This is going to be dreadfully boring." I sighed as I walked amongst the crowded corridor. "What's going to be dreadfully boring, love?" An arm slithered around my neck, pulling me close to whoever's limb it belongs to. The muscles around my throat tightened as I turned my head to see a less than welcomed face. "Black." My teeth grind together as I saw the dark-haired brunette male. His hold was firm as he leaned onto me like we were the best of friends. "If you could not touch me, that'd be amazing. I also don't know what you're trying at, but why don't you just save it? Unless you didn't get enough on the train." I narrowed my eyes, giving him an icy look while prying his arm off. 

He backed up and held his hands up. "Calm down, I'm just trying to be friendly. I must say you got a mean punch, did some work on James at the time." Black gave a cheeky grin, brushing off the incident as something trivial. It was like he thought we were friends, and it was just something we'd usually do together. 

"Right, you want to be my friend all of a sudden? That's hard to believe. I punched you and your friend, giving him a bloody nose and then threatening you just a few moments ago yet you want to be 'friendly?'" A scoff quickly escapes me as I thought he was insane. His response came off with a casual shrug. "Why not? You got guts to just walk in there and deck us, I wouldn't think that'd happen to us much less by a girl, no offense. Bloody brilliant, I'd say. Plus we'd be seeing each other often, love. You know, considering we're in the same house." 

"I think that'd just give me more of a reason to avoid you, wouldn't you think? I'd see you every day for the whole year, so why don't we limit it to when it's necessary?"

"Heh. You know that I won't give up. I'll just keep at it till you cave in, love. Eventually, you'll come around." He smirks as he walked passed me, patting my back. I curled my hands into a tight fist, brewing with anger and annoyance inside. "Also, stop calling me 'love!'" Students nearby stared at me like I was a madman as I shouted after Black. 

It took me some time to realize I was holding my breath as I released a sharp exhale. "Gods, he's going to be such a pain in my ass." I couldn't help but huff. Now it was time to kill time, guess I'll just wander around. As I went off on my own adventure, I found myself out by an open field that I recalled as the 'Quidditch Pitch.' Out in the public area, I saw students clad in Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff garbs, on brooms flying. It seemed like they were practicing, and if I had to be honest, it all seemed rather fun. Being able to fly is freedom, but the game is the excitement and fast. 

To be honest, I don't even know how long it was I stood in the shadows of a tower, watching their practice. I felt so immersed in the game, and I felt determined to try out next year. Classmen from both houses began to pack up and make their way to the castle for lunch, signaling it was also time for me to go. 

Lunch was partially dull, I sat silently while focusing on my meal. It doesn't matter if I bothered to converse with my housemates since its just mealtime, plus I wasn't much of a speaker nor friend material. I'll just hurt them, and they'll do the same, so its better to keep up this distance to avoid damaging both parties. 

It's just really lonely, though.

This is just something I'm used to already, and something I need to remind myself that its better this way. 

It's better to be alone.  
It's better to not impact anyone's life.  
It's better to just sit down, shut up, and learn.

  
Charms with Professor Flitwick were okay, albeit the moment Lily saw me, she dragged me to the first two free seats she saw. So much for being alone and sitting down and shutting up. Thanks, Gods. 

"Hey (Y/N)!" Lily flashed a friendly smile, it always seemed to be around at least for the most part. I only nodded at her, letting her know I acknowledged her greeting. For a moment, her face faltered with confusion, but she quickly gathered it back up with her warm approach. "So, hows your day so far?" It seems that Sirius won't be the only persistent one now. 'Ugh.' 

"Well, I've only had three classes so far, including this one. Not much to tell you really, but it's fine so far... I suppose." I shrugged, gazing away. 

"That's still good. It could have been worse. How did you find Potions and Herbology? It sucks we didn't talk at all in both classes, I'm sorry. At least this and transfiguration makes up for it." Okay, it's very apparent that the Gods just straight-up hate me by always doing the opposite of what I'd like to happen. Only what did I do to deserve such a curse like this?

"Yaaaay," I cheered in a not so cheery tone, more so sarcastic. I'm not trying to be mean to Lily, that's not my intention at all, but I don't know how to explain it to her that I'm more of a lone wolf. She already seems quite popular with our fellow Gryffindors, so I don't understand why she wants anything to do with me.  
  
In charms, we started with a basic lesson on levitation, 'Wingardium Leviosa.' A few students managed to get it between their first or third try, and I was not among those few. My fifth try it still wouldn't move as it's supposed to. "Gods, this is frustrating." I huffed under my breath in annoyance. 

"Here's it's like this." Lily demonstrated it then turned to help me with the proper wand movement. Just like that, it finally levitated with the help of the redhead. 

"Thanks," I murmured. Her act was kind, without a doubt, she didn't have to help me whatsoever, but it was sort of embarrassing for me. I already felt beneath her; if Lily is this good, imagine how well my other classmates are compared to me. When we were given the signal that we can leave, I immediately went for transfiguration, leaving behind a very puzzled Gryffindor. This time I picked a random seat with another student there since they'd more than likely just ignore me unless they need some sort of help. Still, I'd be the last one capable of helping anyone. 

Soon enough, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Guess Lily won't give up. However, when I turned around instead of seeing red hair, I saw the familiar light brown locks from earlier today. 

"Lupin?" My head cocked to the side as I didn't expect to interact with him after the uncomfortableness during potions. 

He smiled softly, if not a bit shyly, as I acknowledged him. "Do you mind if I sit with her?" Remus asked the Ravenclaw boy I sat next to with an apologetic look. Reluctantly but with a very obvious exasperated sigh, he gathered his stuff. He found a new seat somewhere in the front. 

"So, hey." He awkwardly greeted as he rested where the other boy once sat. "Hey there?" My response was just as awkward and seemed more like a question. This moment is sort of cringe-worthy. 

"How's your day been so far?" Thank the Gods he said something, the atmosphere was so tense you wouldn't be able to cut it with a chainsaw. 

Okay, perhaps that was an exaggeration of an exaggeration. It still doesn't deflect the fact it felt unpleasant. 

"Decent. I suppose." Despite my lack of a response, he just kept on. Surely between Sirius and Lily, Remus would be more perceptive.   
"I see. Well, glad to hear it. Today has been somewhat decent for me as well. Though it was humorous in Herbology earlier when we learned 'Incendio' for Devil's Snare. Peter Pettigrew managed to catch his robes on fire and ran mad." His chuckle was pleasant to hear, it made my heart pound a bit faster than usual. Why is that?

"Because that's how you extinguish a fire." I rolled my (e/c) eyes, just picturing the scenario in my head. He seems about as sharp as a marble, poor bloke. 

"Haha. He's an alright lad just not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, you know?" Seems Lupin shared the same feelings as me though I don't know whether he was an 'alright lad.' 

"Lupin, mind if I ask you something?" Again, no point in beating around the bush, I'll just be direct as ever. "Why did you want to sit next to me?" 

At the sudden directness of my question, the brunette sat there with rapidly blinking pine green eyes, obviously shown he was taken back.   
It only took one second for him to recompose himself. "Hm, why did I want to sit next to you." He tapped his lips as he pondered the question. "In potions, your observation was rather interesting, let's say that. I haven't met anyone really do a break down of my name like that. So, you just made yourself so fascinating." That took me back, I didn't expect a seemingly sincere answer like this. 

"It's no big deal, I'm really not that fascinating. Anyone who understands and has an interest in mythology could have gotten it." With a chuckle, he shook his head. "You might be right, but they wouldn't be you now, would they?" That statement made my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. 

"I... I suppose not." I swallowed hard. Was he purposely doing this? Trying to get my guard down and make me feel vulnerable? If so, it's starting to work. "Good, I look forward to seeing how you'll continue to amaze me." He gave a final smile before our focus was on The Matchmaker. Professor McGonagall informed us this particular area of magic is more complicated than the rest, it requires a great deal of concentration. Our goal is to transform our match into a needle, and so far, no one was able to do so. We are supposed to clear our minds of everything and to focus on the task at hand, but my thoughts are running wild. It's currently impossible for me, I am growing frustrated. My lips pressed and brows knit together as I narrowed my gaze at the match at this rate, my stare could potentially set it ablaze. 

Seeing that her students were making no progress whatsoever, McGonagall dismissed us and drilled into us to continue to practice. We had to complete the reading for chapter one and continue working on the spell until we've perfected it. She also recommended we spend at least 20 minutes to focus on mediation and exercises. If we continue to practice, the professor said we'll eventually achieve our goal.

Gods. 

I'm going to have to work twice as hard on all my classes, Herbology and Potions seemed to be the only classes I was decent at. I guess I'll have to see about my other courses tomorrow. 

  
As we were packing up, Remus stood by and seemed to be waiting. "What are you waiting for, Lupin?" He leaned against our desk with his arms crossed and a smile on his face. "I'm waiting for you. Since this was our last class, we should walk back to the common room together. Still have time quite a bit of time before dinner anyway." Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I frowned. "I suppose so." There's not much of a point arguing, is there? Something in me says he'd still walk by me. "When we get back, would you like to work on homework? Perhaps we can help one another." His suggestion was honestly one I wouldn't want to refuse. Frankly, I could use some help, and compared to me, Remus seemed capable.  
"That... that would be really nice, Lupin." As I swallowed, my throat pulsed, avoiding his gaze by looking at my boots while we walked back to Gryffindor Tower. "You can call me Remus, (Y/N)." His laugh echoed in my ears, furthering my embarrassment. So, he wants to be on a first-name basis already. Where was the distance I was supposed to be putting now?  
"Okay...Remus." I reluctantly said his first name as it felt weird yet sweet off the tongue. When I glanced over at him, I saw those beautiful eyes twinkle, and his face glow, and it was all because I called him Remus instead of Lupin? 

How strange.

Once we got back, we immediately sat a free table in front of one of the multiple puzzling windows in Godric's house. Those stained glasses are simple puzzles for Gryffindors to practice daily. It'll come in handy when I need to practice my concentration for transfiguration. 

Gryffindor Tower was designed to be very home-like. However, it still maintained aspects of grandeur; it can be seen from the tower entrance and the tower's observatory. The tower was made of stone, volcanic stone formed naturally from a fire element in the earth. Fire is the element of Godric's house. There was a phoenix fireplace at the very core of the common room, and it radiates heat and energy throughout the whole tower. It's warm to the touch and appears to be flapping in flight and the tail swaying. This area was also a lounge and study space with spongy vintage armchairs that was said to be a collection of our house patron. Gryffindors would hang out, play chess, and converse with friends and housemates.

In contrast, the study spaces were pushed by the magic puzzle windows. Behind them were bookshelves which faced inwards to the lounge area with desks attached to the back of the shelf. Those shelves separated the hangout area and the study spaces. Diagonal to the left of the tower entrance, by the study area, was a grand wooden staircase covered with a plush velvet red carpet. The wall on this side hangs multiple portraits of both men and women, all of which hung with various sizes. Just a few feet in front of these portraits, there was a circular sphere that floated. This was another puzzle, but this one played music when interactive with. Plus, there was a piano by it, just on the opposite side of the phoenix fireplace. Perfect for both piano and puzzle players alike. 

At the top of the steps is the half dome observatory, there's a lion pipe organ you see as you ascend, but the keys were embedded in the floor behind the wooden rails. You could also hear echoes of a lion's roar. This giant half-dome project planets and galaxies nearly and impossibly far; this was inspiring students to look beyond and strive for more. Perhaps also fueling students' curiosity and belief that there are creatures that exist out there. The projections happen in the center of the upper floor. It rotates slowly. It's a beautiful contrast of the black ceiling littered with a multitude of stars. On the floor pushed against the walls were plush pillows of multiple sizes for students to lay back and observe the galaxy. 

Going back downstairs, the dorms were located across from each other. The boys' dorm was situated at the end of the study area close to the stairs. Across that, passing by the musical sphere and piano next to the tower entrance was two sets of stairs, one that led up and the other that led down. The ascending steps lead to the girls' dorm, while the descending one points to the clockwork level. Our house was entrusted with Hogwarts' timekeeping to ensure the flow of time, ringing for classes, meals, and mail time. To achieve this, a group of senior Gryffindors is appointed in teams every other week to carry out such an essential duty. With those teams, all the gears turn efficiently and accurately, which the core of that floor will emit a glow to symbolize if the job was done correctly. 

The tower felt as bright and warm as a sunny day, it was joyous yet powerful and emits such energy. This is what home should be like, somewhere a person should feel safe, comfortable. All of those things I've never felt up until this point. 

My chest pings as I left a clench at my heart as I spiraled into those thoughts. This will be the only home I'll ever know, and I could never cope with being away from it. However, I was lucky and thankful that Remus broke me out of those upcoming thoughts, who knows where my mind would have settled if he didn't. "Well, I think we should call it there with our studies and get some dinner." As he said that, he closed his booked and slid them back into his pack, which I did the same. "Alright."  
We silently walked side by side out of the entrance with the swing of the Fat Lady's portrait, making a 'click.' Onwards to the great hall, which would conclude our first day.

It was kind of nice now.

My lips twitched into a small smile as I thought about today's events.

Maybe... it won't be so bad letting at least one person in, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I can't believe my other story, Overthinker has about 500 hits and almost 30 kudos so thank you to everyone supporting that. ♡  
> Another reminder I have a discord server if anyone would like to join and hang out or just talk to me.  
> Sei#6626  
> https://discord.gg/6d4hgwg  
> ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡ See you next update!


	4. Consideration | Curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your friendship with Remus has gotten to a point where you feel used to having him around, but now he's gone for a whole week all of a sudden. Yet, it was very odd. Is he hiding something?  
> Meanwhile, you are stuck with some temporary partners, two less than desired ones.  
> One of them is quite persistent in you joining them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't updated this story in like ever and it is pretty short, too.  
> I am sorry about it! Found it a bit difficult for me to write, it was going to be a darker tone dealing with depression and mental health, but I decided against it for now. 
> 
> UPDATE: Poll link! Vote for your favorite  
> https://tinyurl.com/y39phqgg

Ever since the first day of classes, Remus would typically sit next to me. We'd make some small talk and joke around here and there, specifically on whatever happened in class. After classes, we'd study and do homework together before dinner. Our study sessions are something I'm eternally grateful for because, to be honest, I think I'd be behind by now with no chance of catching up. One of the sweet things he would do was wait for me even if I took forever; he would be there. It was highly unexpected and unnecessary, but he did it nonetheless. However, he didn't do it often, but that was okay. Yet, I've quickly gotten accustomed to it that everything felt off when he wasn't around. Something I came to realize and barely to terms with is his friendship with Black and Potter. Speaking of the two arses, the former would consistently try to talk to me and touch me as if I didn't hate him. Potter would give me dirty, murderous looks, which I don't blame him for considering I broke his nose before the year even started. I couldn't bring it in me to really care either way. 

So far, I discovered that Defense Against the Dark Arts was another course I excelled best at. Well, my best area regarded the topic of dark creatures. Spellcasting still wasn't my strong suit. Hopefully, I'll get better. 

There's something I want to say about dark creatures, which are fascinating. Beasts of folklore genuinely exist; banshees, imps, ghosts, trolls, vampires, and even werewolves live. The accuracy of Muggle concepts, myths, legends, and ideas are debatable. 

When it came to the course, Severus is a natural, no question about it. He was the best one. This did not go without backlash, though. Rumors began to circulate about the Slytherin's deep interest regarding that particular field of magic. From Sirius' loud flapping gums, he called a mouth what he said caught my attention. Snape came to Hogwarts already knowing more curses, jinxes, and hexes than most students learn by their seventh year. It was impressive. Would I tell him that to his face? Absolutely not. 

But still, how could that be? I knew he was smart, but clearly not _that smart_. It seems like a double-edged sword. While he is intelligent and able to grasp things quickly without so much as a sweat, this can make him feel superior in comparison to others. 

To quote Muggle author Ray Bradbury, "too much of anything isn't good for anyone."

If only that was the case for me seeing as I'm not really good at anything. Oh well, I guess. 

There was something I noticed in DADA though, one of our lessons is on curing werewolf bites. That the mention of werewolves, I saw how Remus would go pale and tense. Noticeably uncomfortable with lycanthropes. It piqued my curiosity. 

Though I wouldn't ask him about it. He wouldn't answer any questions I had, I knew that. I'd have to lead up to it, somehow. 

"Ahem, (Y/N). Are you still with me?" Remus' brow quirked up. I rolled my (e/c) eyes. "Yes, I'm still here, where else would I be Remus?" He chuckles and casually shrugs. "Who knows what you might be thinking in there. Could be planning some way to murder me, or a grand heist to steal the headmaster's phoenix, Fawkes." A scoff escapes me as I shake my head at the ridiculous ideas. "Oh no, you've caught me. My plans to somehow break into Dumbledore's office, steal his very loyal phoenix, then return to Gryffindor Tower to sneak into the boys' dormitory to kill you. Then proceed to make my grand escape with the magical scarlet bird is foiled! Oh, whatever will I do now?" Flinging my arm across my head dramatically to spice it up. "Guess you'll need a better plan then." The brunette teasingly sticks his tongue out at me. I reached over, pinching his tongue, which he nibbled on my hand in response. "Anyway, did you have something to say?" I crossed my arms, watching his demeanor turn more serious. Remus awkwardly shifts his weight from one foot to the other, licking his lips as he thought about what he wanted to say. We stood there in the corridor in silence, staring at each other. "I'll be... I'll be gone for the next week or so because my mum is... sick. I check on her for a week each month with Dumbledore's permission. Just thought you should know." He threads his fingers through his hair down to his neck, rubbing it, although it borderlines on the scratching side. The situation was rather odd to me, and I think its due to how he's behavior was very on edge. I don't believe him, he's trying to hide something, but what could it be? Hm. "Really? Sorry to hear about your mum, I hope she's alright." My eyes inspected him from head to toe, he had shifted his position again and crossed his arms. Remus' beautiful pine green eyes were dull as he stared in the distance in a daze, and his pink lips pressed together, he looked like he wasn't even here. "Are... are you alright, Remus?" I reached out, placing my hand on his shoulder, whatever was on his mind was pushed out and replaced by me. Turning his head, he looked down at me, blinking wide eyes. This felt very unlike Remus, and it fueled my curiosity and concern even further. "Sorry, a lot is going through my mind," he murmurs softly as he gave a sad smile. The smile brought a pang to my chest. This didn't feel right at all.

However, there was nothing I could do. Not yet, anyway. "Don't about it, Lupi," I chuckle while patting his back, wrapping my arm around his shoulder as much as I could despite the noticeable height difference. A snort erupts from him. "Lupi, heh. I think you'd need a better nickname for me than that if you're trying to give me one." He ruffles my hair as we walked. "Guess I need to get creative. I'll try my best to get everything while you're gone so you won't be left behind." There it was. A broad grin, that's what looked best on him, not some sorrowful look. Subconsciously I thought about how my only friend and partner would be gone for a whole week. I'll be alone once again. The feeling of total isolation had subsided when Remus came into my life. I didn't look forward to it. Only a week, I have to remind myself that it was only for a week. He wouldn't just disappear after planting himself in my life. He just wouldn't. 

Just as Remus said, he wasn't there in class. A week seems like it's going to feel like a year at this point. In class, I was forced to be partners with the last two boys I'd ever consider picking. Sirius Black and James Potter. The situation was temporary, but I wish I didn't have to go through with it. I disliked both Gryffindor males. The feeling was mutual with Potter, while Black seemed to enjoy harassing me, so it was just my luck. One would glare at me while the other would touch me and convince me to be friends while calling me 'love.' Both are just as equally tiring. 

"So, love, missin' good ole' Remy already?" Sirius teased as he carelessly stirs his potion before abandoning the ladle, spinning around in the brew. There goes the chance of at least a decently brewed concoction. "Yes, if you must know. At least I don't want to strangle him, and I can actually hold a conversation with him unlike you, ' _love.'"_ I sighed heavily as I focused on the cauldron before me. We've recently finished our first potion, which is the cure for boils, we've moved onto the next one, the forgetfulness potion. There were two parts to make the potion. So far, I had nearly finished mine while my 'partner' was only halfway through the first portion. Honestly, it was actually a straightforward brew. "Well, mine looks like utter shit." Black frowns as he peered into my cauldron before looking back at his. Just a quick glance at his, I can see that it was a dark brown with green undertones, it basically looked like Shrek's bathwater. "By the Gods, what the hell did you do to your potion? It's a very straightforward concoction. It looks like you used your cauldron as a chamber pot."

A grimace forms on my face as I looked up at the brewer. If anything, he's quite lucky we won't be taste testing our potions. Sirius just gives me a carefree shrug, "I'm not really reading the book. Basically, just throwing things in there, going off of what everyone is doing." Really? That's how he is trying to do this? I thought I'd be terrible, but hell, Einstein, here is proving me wrong. "Try reading next time, then it might help." This time it was his turn to grimace as he flipped open the book. 

In the end, he made a passable potion, just barely. Professor Slughorn genuinely seemed surprised by my potion, expecting it to be a disaster, much like Sirius. Honestly, I don't know whether to feel proud or just insulted. Either way, this felt like a small step towards proving everyone wrong. 

"Love!" Ugh. When I thought I'd lose him, he finds me. It's like he has the nose of a dog. Even when I was ahead of him, he quickly jogged to my side, slinging his arm around me to my dismay. "Where are you heading to?" Obviously away from him, clearly, he didn't get the point. "Anywhere where you're not at." He chuckles, brushing off my aloofness. It shows he was still quite persistent, which I don't understand as to why. "Did you need something?" A wide smile formed on his face, "yes, actually, thank you for asking, love. There goes my regret now. "What is it?" I sighed wearily, feeling too exhausted to put up with whatever this is. "You're friends with Remus, right?" Is he really asking me that? "Well, James, Peter, and I are also friends with him." He continued ignoring the looks I was giving him. "What's your point, then?" We come to a halt as he places his hands on my shoulder, staring down at me with a somewhat stern look. "Why not be our friend as well? Considering you spend plenty of time with him as do we. So what do you say? Let's capitalize on it. Plus, together, we're way more fun than 'mature' Remy." This stumped me. I thought they disliked me, so why invite me to join them? Probably so they can get more time with Lupin. If that's what they wanted, then they could have just asked. It's not like I control the brunette. "Really? You want me to join your merry band. I still find it hard to believe after the train. Not to mention Potter keeps giving me these looks that scream anything but friendly." I crossed my arms, drumming my fingers along my bicep. "Oh, don't worry so much about the arse. He just has his knickers in a twist, he'll get over it. So what do you say?" Sirius gives a cheeky smile. "I doubt you'll stop being persistent, so I cant believe I'm going to say this, but I'll at least consider it." The smile on his face deeps. "Fantastic. We both know you'll say yes, though." Before I could make a remark, the Gryffindor male squeezed my cheeks together before pressing a wet, sloppy kiss on my face before running away with laughter. "Be seeing you soon, love!" I stood there, dumbfounded and mouth agape as I watched the male runoff. Brain.exe stopped working. "What the actual fuck?" In any other situation, I'd run after whoever would dare attempt that and make them regret it, but this stumped me. "Ugh, Remus needs to get back already," I mutter to myself, feeling my cheeks flush while walking back to the common room. 

Recently I found myself practicing with the magic stain glass window puzzles. It was an excellent way to pass the time while also working on my concentration. Hopefully, it'll provide me some improvement in transfiguration and my other classes. Speaking of classes, lately, I kept my notes neater than usual since I promised Remus I wouldn't let him fall behind, and so far, I think I'm doing a good job. Since his absence, I've been trying to keep myself occupied, though it hasn't always proven successful. I think it might have something to do with Black's consistent reminders and teasings. Obviously, no help there.

Yet, its also interesting how he wanted me to join their gang, but for what purpose? To truly 'capitalize' the time together? Maybe it was to get payback from the train. Sirius seemed genuine to a certain degree and hasn't shown any hostility, nor has he held a grudge. The only one to show their distaste for me was Potter. Anyone could understand and feel his animosity is, in fact, warranted. What I did though I wouldn't apologize for, I don't regret my actions (though I did it in the heat of the moment) I would do it again. The treatment they showed Severus didn't sit right with me, made me so angry and disgusted with them. Someone had to stand up for the Slytherin, so I did. No one should get treated that way or anything further demeaning. It doesn't make you a better person or any more likable If anything, you just become an arse. How does anyone think it's an okay thing to do or that they are above someone? Where do people get this sense of self-entitlement? 'We're only human, we make mistakes' though that statement is right; we can't keep relying on it. I get it not everyone is Mother Theresa, I know for sure I'm not. It's just a disappointing thing, really. 

Ugh, I need to stop just delving deep into my thoughts like this. Get off your soapbox, (Y/N). No one cares. Cue the eye-rolls. 

What I'm saying might just be cliches, but isn't it true, though? 

The question is, should I give them a chance? Because I gave Remus a chance, and it didn't turn out as bad as I thought. World problems, am I right? 

Maybe when Remus returns, I'll try to give them a chance. Perhaps it could be fun? I heard how much of pranksters these guys are becoming. A good laugh and a harmless bit of mischief. 

There was something I hadn't paid any mind to until our late astronomy class that its the week of a full moon. Any suspicions I might have could be totally off. It could be mere coincidence—however, its just odd from his behavior and reactions. All of it started in Defense Against the Dark Arts class when we began our lesson on curing werewolf bites. He immediately paled and tensed when the professor first informed us of our current reading. The scars on his face looked pinker as if they were just freshly made and how his young face seemed to age beyond his years. What could possibly hold such an effect over him like this? Lupin felt even reluctant to tell me that he'd be gone for a week, and also when he did tell me he seemed so nervous, and it felt like he was trying to remember what to say. This screams that something is amidst, and if he can't tell me, then I just might have to figure it out for myself. 

So far, this is what I know; 1.) He did not like werewolves, 2.) He has special permission from Dumbledore to leave for about a week every month because his mother is sick, 3.) He was very hesitant and anxious about telling me, 4.) This all happened to be the week of a full moon (pure coincidence?) 5.) Recently heard rumors of howling in the night (perhaps it's just a joke) 6.) His pine-green eyes seemed to have a glow at times when we're in darkened areas (was I just seeing things?) 

These were the only things I knew and could potentially go off of. Not much really, but at least I have some things rather than nothing at all. My last two reasons could easily be crossed off the list. One can be marked off as well (not as quickly), but I've never seen anyone had a reaction like his before. Two is very interesting to me since I've never seen or heard about many people receiving such treatment. Three, how our conversation went, I felt skeptical after it. Four, as I said, could be pure coincidence. 

Muggles have unusual signs of how to spot werewolves that I just roll my eyes at due to the stupidity of its nature. The first one is excessive hairiness. Continuing to point two while relating to the former is slanted eyebrows that meet in the middle of the nose. Then there's eating raw meat (though there are diets based around it) and howling at the moon's sight even in their human form. All of the muggle concepts are ridiculous. I'm thankful that I'm at least learning the truth behind many things, including this. 

In all seriousness, though, do I really think...he could be?

Is Remus Lupin a werewolf? How am I going to figure that out? Perhaps more evidence will be presented when he returns. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again that it's not its best! ｡ﾟ(ﾟ∩´﹏`∩ﾟ)ﾟ｡  
> I'll try to make the next one better!  
> Have a good one. ♡
> 
> UPDATE: Poll link here! Vote for your favorite  
> https://tinyurl.com/y39phqgg


	5. Tricksters | The Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus returns! You immediately notice something when he is back.  
> Finally, you decide to bite the bullet for Remus and meet with the rest of the boys.  
> Mischief has been stirred.  
> Finally, you take a risk to confirm your doubts.
> 
> Some maybe character background peeking out here? Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally updated this! ( ´͈ ॢꇴ `͈)੭ु ₊·  
> Is anyone proud of me? I feel like this is kinda lengthy, but I dunno.  
> Plus I feel that this chapter is written differently compared to the previous ones.  
> Let me know if this style is preferred or if the old one is fine. :)

Time dragged on; by next Monday, Remus finally returned that evening. You know the saying time flies? Of course, you do, everyone knows it. If you haven't, then how did you even make it this far in life? Instead, the time had crawled. If time was an animal, it had to be a sloth. A week passing was agony. How did I survive this long without Remus? Wait, don't answer that. I should stop being dramatic. 

I managed to endure this far without Remus. But why did it still feel lonely without him? Ugh. Never should have let him in. Was it worth it? The temporary companionship just to get hurt? All because I thought he might be different. No doubt, when he gets back, I'll be alone. Again. 

Such an idiot. Will I ever learn? Probably not. 

There wasn't much to learn either way. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

He officially returned Wednesday. Though he came back on Monday, he spent two days out of class. Why? I don't have a clue. But his face, that cu- erm... his poor face. Lupin's face was already littered with scars. Pink jagged marks. Now there were new ones, bulging red. Still, he was appealing. It was just a pity to see he had more wounds. 

It begs the question, how did he get these new injuries? 

Only a minute to spare before McGongugall had entered, Remus sat next to me. He panted as if he had run here. Beads of sweat glistened from his forehead after turning towards me. His uniform was disheveled, and his hair ruffled, yet he still managed to give me a cheeky smile. My pulse quickened, and my heart had felt as if it jumped up to my throat. How did he do it? Despite looking like he was caught in a tornado, that sly goofy smile trapped me. 

"Hey," Lupin panted out with a soft laugh. It sounded beautiful. Besides him, there was only one person I've ever missed as bad as this. Yet, he returned. Though its silly to think it was because of me. Obviously, Remus had to return since he is still a student. No need to fool myself. 

"Sorry, but who are you?" My brow rose as I glanced over at my partner. At my 'greeting,' he rolled those beautiful serene green eyes. "Ha Ha, very funny. Did my absence make your love for me disappear?" The brunette leaned over with his head on my shoulder. Did he just say... love? 

He was joking. Obviously, it was just a playful jab. Still, I couldn't help but be embarrassed. Maybe a little ashamed. Bowing my head down, only the dark wood of my desk and what laid on its surface were within my view. The weight on my shoulder was lifted and replaced by a hand. "Are you alright?" His light, playful tone changed to one full of concern. Was it genuine?

Raking a hand through my hair, I nodded. "No, I'm (Y/N)." He snorts, shaking his head. "Really?" We both laughed but eventually stopped when McGonagall's eye narrowed down on us. Very much like a hawk about to strike its prey. If looks could kill, we'd be dead more than what is countable. She is a fantastic professor, no doubt, but she can be quite stern. The looks she gives when she is serious could make you feel just ashamed about anything. 

Only when Remus and I were silent did she continue the lesson. Well. I would call it an introduction. The mature witch broke the course into four branches. There were some sub-branches included. 

It was dull. There was no other way to say it. Unfortunately, I had to keep up. Only at the mention of Animagi and Metamorphmagi did the class perk up with interest. Sadly the latter is by birth. Lucky bastards.

On the other hand, Animagi is something any wizard and witch could become. Sucks we won't be learning how to become one. 'Extremely difficult and dangerous.' I hated that we won't be learning this skill. But what can I do? 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

After leaving McGongugall's class, Remus and I walked shoulder to shoulder to HoM. "Remus?" Here's my chance to question him about those new scars. They stood out from the old ones. Red and almost like they were pulsating. "Yeah?" He hummed in acknowledgment. "What happened to you? I mean, you have all these new scars and cuts after getting back. What could have happened during your visit?" I frowned. 

Instantly his demeanor changed as soon as I inquired about his new markings. From a loose, light, carefree stance to a stiff and bend up posture like he was trying to close into himself. Bright eyes grew full and dulled, yet was there just a glimmer of yellow in those green pools. Was the lemon color always there? I don't recall. 

"Uh... I ahem... My family has... a cat," Remus's voice falters, the answer was something I didn't buy. Really? A cat did all of that to you? Must have been one aggressive tiger cub then. However, if his family's cat really made this attack, why did it seem like an answer that required thought. To me, it just felt like an ad-lib that he needed me to believe. 

As much as I'd love to call him out, I think I'll go along with it until I figure things out—the truth. "So, what did you do to piss off, Millicent?" Remus looked utterly confused. "Piss of who?" Sigh. This is going to a long game of playing Nancy Drew, isn't it? 

"Your Simba? Tigger? Sylvester? Hell, your freaking Garfield?" I felt like I had just listed maybe a third of known entertainment cat characters. A lightbulb must have gone off because he laughed, finally understanding what I meant. Remus sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his red and throat flushed red. "Oooh, ahaha. Right, right, my cat." I am so tempted to just call him out already, but I have to just restrain myself for now.

"So, what's your cat's name then?" Doesn't mean I can't tease him, though. "...My cat is... is named... Katty." Please tell me he isn't seriously trying to sell me this. I am between wanting to laugh and facepalming. However, like improv, just go with it. "You named your cat, 'Katty'? Really? You might as well have named it Kitty." Sorry to the cats named 'Kitty,' 'Katty,' 'Tiger,' or hell 'Max.' There's just a real lack of creativity and an insult to the felines. 

"Oh, shut up. Not everyone is as creative as you. If I was, then maybe he wouldn't have attacked me." Wait, did Remus just say 'he'? The cat isn't real, I know that, but damn if it was real, I can understand why it'd attack anyone. Male cat with a terrible girl name, I'd be pissed, too. "He? Hold on, you're telling me your cat is a boy, yet he is named 'Katty'? No wonder why he attacked you. I sure as hell would do the same!" 

"Well, aren't you lucky your not my cat then." He stuck his tongue out. Any animal would be lucky if they aren't your pet, even if he made up the feline. "Praise the Gods I'm not. Now move your arse can't let professor Binns' rambling go to waste." The ghost teacher could talk forever, disregarding for his students as he gets so warped in all his lectures. 

HoM is our last class of the day, leaving us hours to do whatever. Typically, we sat in the middle closest to the back of the course. Our seat placement doesn't matter, but when we're sitting by James and Sirius? Then I have a problem. My conversation with Sirius before comes to mind. 

⁀꒰⚘݄꒱

_"Love!"_

_"You're friends with Remus, right?"_

_"Why not be our friend as well? Considering you spend plenty of time with him as do we. So what do you say? Let's capitalize on it. Plus, together, we're way more fun than 'mature' Remy."_

_"-So, what do you say? We both know you'll say yes, though."_

_"Be seeing you soon, love!" He had squeezed my cheeks in the palm of his hands, planting a wet, sloppy kiss against one cheek. With the biggest grin, Sirius' eye had a glint in them as he saw how stumped I became. Before I could react, he turned and ran with his laughter bouncing off the halls._

꒰⚘݄꒱⁀

Heat rose to my face as I recalled Black's ballsy move. Something I have to get him back for, I will, eventually. Cheeky bastard. 

Sirius and James had folded pieces of parchment into different birds and even some flying insects, letting them flutter in class. A few paper birds perched on some girls' heads, twisting their hair into a makeshift nest. Something the teaching specter didn't pay any mind as he explained magical beginning and theories. Something rather dull, how he talked nonstop, doesn't help whatsoever. The only time I ever really paid attention to Binns was at the mention of Hocus Pocus. 

Ah. What a great Halloween movie. 

Sadly, he wasn't talking about the movie—instead, the theory of it. 

45 minutes. That's how long HoM is for today, yet the ghost made it seem like a waiting line to Hell. Actually, maybe that would be more fun than this if I really wanted to weigh my options right now. Still, my point stands. After this, I just want to spend the majority of the day doing anything but school. Worry about all that for the evening and tomorrow. 

"(Y/N)?" Rolling my head to the side, I glanced over at the male next to me. "The one and only, Remus." He playfully pushes me. "You and these responses, I swear." A chuckle vibrates from his chest. "Anyway, do you... uh... would you..." In a way, it was cute how Remus gets embarrassed and unable to finish forming a thought. 

"Do I? Would I? What?" I snorted, snickering at him which made his pale skin flush a darker shade of pink, dare I say red perhaps? "Would you consider hanging out with my mates and me?" Earnest pine green eyes searched mine, silently begging me to agree. As if I could muster up a 'no' because of those wide puppy dog eyes, denying him would be like kicking that same puppy.

"Fine. Know that I am only doing it for you. However, it doesn't mean I'll play nice." Arms folded against my chest, gripping my biceps. Remus had the biggest smile plastered across his face and pulled me into a side hug. "You're the best." Damn right, I am. 

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for noticing. At least someone can appreciate me. Where are we meeting with your mates?" Probably a dumbass question considering all of us are in the same room. "We're going to meet up after class and head over to the courtyard." Wonder what we'll be doing. "Alright, that's if I even manage to make it out alive." 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Somehow I managed to survive HoM, just barely. Now I am sitting on the grass of the courtyard with the group of Gryffindor males; James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black. Everyone except James seemed to be content with my presence. Guess he still hasn't gotten over the whole punching you in the nose fiasco. 

He really needs to get over it. I mean, Sirius has, but then again, he often seems like a wildcard. "Well, well, whaddya know! I see you caved in. Told ya that you'd say yes, love." Sirius had a smirk on his face, feeling triumphant, no doubt. That had to have been a first, and I'm sure a one-time thing. "Yes, I decided it was finally time to grace you, lowly mortals, with my presence." I wrinkled my nose at the dark-haired brunette who continued staring at me with amusement. 

"Take a picture, Black, maybe it'll last longer." Eventually, I shifted from my sitting position so that my back was against the grass, resting my head on my crossed arms. My focus was set on the clear sky, it was vibrant and absolutely perfect with fluffy white clouds, shifting across and changing shapes. 

It was vast, an infinite sea of bright blue and white. 

Pretty sure I found a dolphin (or was it a fish?), one looked like a cross of Nessie and a turtle. There was a massive gathering of clouds that looked somewhat like a fortress, maybe it was a castle? Imagine that a castle in the sky. Something that sounds like a legend or a myth. A pleasant thought, though. 

"Remus, why did you bring her along with you?" Pompous ass finally decides to speak up about it now. Looks like neither Remus nor Sirius mentioned to James about wanting me to hang out with them. "Come on, James. I just wanted her to meet you all; that way, I can spend more time with both of you. This is also a good opportunity for (Y/N) to have some more friends." The sandy-haired brunette had a cross look of tiredness and annoyance, already aware of Potter's disliking of me. 

"Oi! I invited her too! Before you even asked her, Remy! If she came for anyone, it had to be for me." The grey-eyed male jumped in, head high, chest puffed out, feeling proud. Tilting his head to the side, James' black brows were drawn together with his face contorted into one of utter confusion. His mouth was agape as he gave Sirius the most prominent 'wtf' look. 

"Wait, hold on... Sirius, you were in on this too?!" It was funny watching how everyone seemed to withhold this from the blue-eyed boy. In response, he was thrown a nonchalant shrug from his best friend. "Yeah. She's pretty badass, especially after punching us both on the train. Hell of a punch she got. I mean, you already know cause your nose and all." The careless Gryffindor snickered as he remembered the first time we met, but James didn't find it funny, his face was red boiling from his head to his forehead. 

"Haha, so you two got your arses kicked by a girl?" Peter gripped his stomach as he burst into fits of laughter. "Shut up, Peter!" The laughing redhead stopped as he saw James fly up, stalking his way to him, making him scramble to his feet breaking into a sprint. Both of the boys were red in the face as they ran in a circle within the courtyard, watching them was like Tom and Jerry. 

Eventually, Peter was lying on the grass as James had tackled him down, wrestling each other on the grass. Something tells me they usually do stupid things like this. No surprise. " Hey, love, why don't you join in on our next prank?" The group of Gryffindor males I hung around was known to be pranksters. I heard only bits and bits of their mischief, but now it seems I was invited to join. 

Why not raise some hell? 

"Alright, what kind of game are we playing then?" Black's face broke out into the broadest grin I've ever seen on him yet. Remus didn't exactly know whether or not to be happy that I'm joining in whatever disaster they intend to stir or concern. One hand, resting on his knee, had pushed through his hair. "I dunno if I'm going to regret this..." 

Lupin would indeed regret it in the future, but wouldn't have changed it for anything else. Memories that time will eventually write off, disappearing as if they hadn't occurred in the first place. As if time had that right. 

"Pfft. You already know you will, Remy. Not like you don't join us, nor will you stop us." Sirius snickered, playfully delivering hard pats to his friend's back, causing him to launch forward. He was right, of course, Remus acts the maturest, but is still a part of the mischief. He couldn't let the other three Gryffindor males have all the fun, now could he? 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

From the time I was around the boys, they had shared their fair mischief telling. Hell, even James told me some of their escapades. So far its consisted of the more trivial and tamer sort of jokes. 

All four of them had taken turns planting a whoopee cushion on Dumbledore's chair in the Great Hall. Before that, they would consistently replace the whoopee cushion they leave on professor Slughorn's chair. Eventually, McGongugall found out it was them and gave them an earful. Safe to say they were no longer allowed near the headmaster's seat or whoopee cushions. 

At one point, they had temporarily charmed the lavatory signs so that they would periodically switch to the opposite gender. Let's say that a lot of girls were fuming—yet another thing to add to what the boys are not allowed to do. However, it resulted in them infesting the girls' bathrooms with cockroaches, centipedes, mites, and whatever other pests they could manage. The three bugs had all rallied their colonies together to fight their claim for each shower. This caused the girls to be extremely hesitant to enter any lavatories after that. I don't blame the rest of the females because, honestly, fuck bugs. 

Apparently, in potions class, they decided to see the effects of brewing potions in reverse order. The elixir for that class happened to be the cure for boils. It did not cure anything. It made what resulted in Peter's minor acne into a giant, pulsating angry bubbles of pus just ready to explode at any minute. Yikes. They rushed him to the infirmary since they had spread all over his body, including some not so comfortable places. Thinking about it longer made me picture things I did not want in my head. 

Considering I tried to never pay attention to Sirius and James before, they spent the whole day as each other. James became Sirius, and Sirius became James. They had swapped names, acted as the other one, and signed things for each other under their names. It led to a lot of confusion. They had to spend detention with McGongugall, redoing everything they did under the other person's name. 

The last prank they've done was moving around as many portraits as possible, swapping them all over the castle. Less just say a lot of the paintings were peeling their paint in anger and annoyance. Not to mention, students got lost as they used some of the hanging frames as guides on where to go. McGongugall and Filch kept an eye on them, ensuring every piece was back in their correct spots. If any of them were crooked, the caregiver would make them take it off the wall to put it back up, snapping at them to make sure it was perfectly aligned. 

The next prank they had in mind is flooding Slughorn's classroom and office. After that, they planned the following joke, which involved raiding the storage cabinet for potions and then delicately placing them on the ground. The placement required precise movement if you take the wrong step, it could result in a disastrous domino effect. 

What could possibly go wrong? 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Who knew Slughorn could get so red that he'd put red peppers to shame. Well, now we know. The prank went as planned. The potions master and our head of house didn't find it as amusing as we did. It took quite a bit of time and rearranging to get it right and allow us to leave the room. Of course, Sirius and Peter messed us up by starting by the door. We didn't notice till everyone met in the middle of the room warily we had to get all the potions near the doorway and continue from the center. It was not fun. 

One point I wanted nothing more than to push them onto the vials resting on the ground, but who knows what would happen? I'd get caught in it. Though it took way longer than it should have, we managed to finish just in time to make a run for it so no one would see us at the scene. Of course, it did not matter, since it didn't take long for there to be a loud 'boom' like sound and a shaking rumble for us to figure out that the impending disaster had just occurred as soon as we got around the corridor. 

This is where we bolted. 

It didn't take long for the professors to get the band of tricksters, knowing entirely well it was them behind what happened earlier. At first, I wasn't included with them until Sirius opened his big fat mouth. What a jackass. 

When McGongugall led us to Slughorn, I smacked Black's head as hard as possible, causing him to yelp. "Damn, girls are so abusive. Think I might need help-" Any further whining he might have had was thrown out the window when the head of Gryffindor stopped in her strides, turning to us with her infamous look. "Mr.Black! I do not think you should be complaining. You all are in serious trouble. Though I am not surprised, it was you four, but Ms. Lunaris, I did not expect this from you." 

Ouch. The disappointment card. 

Patrick Prunk had already made his disappointment evident, so it wasn't something new to me or surprising. Although I can't, say hearing this from the witch didn't hurt in the least. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Potions class had been put on hold due to the fact the classroom was practically destroyed. Guess all those potions shouldn't be mixed, huh? They were going to spend the next two days restoring the class. Sadly it did not mean we escaped punishment. Once the course is back, we were to carter to Slughorn, putting vials away, reorganizing ingredients, help with paperwork, basically anything he asked of us. 

James and Sirius weren't trusted to touch any papers that needed grading or filing. Peter wouldn't have been the most reliable, so he was definitely out of the picture. Instead, that was left to Remus and me. This meant that all of the mundane manual work was moved to the other three Gryffindors. Because he didn't trust Tweedledum and Tweedledee, Pettigrew was in charge of sorting any potions that survived the destruction of the storage room and refilled ingredients. The twins of mass destruction, James and Sirius, were left with moving and cleaning cauldrons. 

Well, the cauldrons didn't get cleaned. A water war broke out between the duo instead. There was one point they attempted to do a slip and slide, but there was more slipping than sliding. 

Don't even get me started when they tried to play water balloons without the balloons. They had settled for water vials since that was the only thing around. Let's just say that there was a lot of water and glass all over the floor after that. 

It seemed that Slughorn had enough of the shenanigans that he howled, red in the face, for us all to leave. 

Nice to know how to get out of detention.

Water vials. 

Well, turns out water vials were not allowed after that. 

Lame. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Gryffindor Tower's dormitories were on opposite tower sides of one another. Before the split-off, the central meeting point was a stone statue of our House patron, Godric Gryffindor. Beneath his feet held a plaque that read, "In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first must burn." 

The meaning behind the quote is clear, but the way it was said left a peculiar feeling behind. Sometimes when I pass by Godric's statue, I find myself just staring at that quote. 

Perhaps its because a phoenix is a relatable thing for people.

Everyone is a phoenix of their own right.

I turned, leaving the central point, ascending the stairs to the girls' side of the dormitory, passing by the bay windows that students lounge around. At the very top of the steps was a deep red double door with silver metal hinges and lion-shaped knockers. Behind these doors was just another hallway with multiple rooms, there were four to a room. One pair of two would be one year, and the remaining two would be another year.

There was on large bay window in the bedroom. Four posted beds arranged in the style of a compass. Students had brown trunks at the foot of their beds plus a desk and cupboard at the bed's side. Any privacy needed, the beds had curtains that could be drawn. Above us in the center of the room were hanging lamps with gold and red fabric, meeting it at a point. 

It was comfortable beyond compare. 

As much as I wanted to relish it, I couldn't since Lily was my roommate, and she had looked less than charmed right now. What is that she could possibly want? Much less, why is Lily looking cross with me? Not like I did anything to her, I don't really speak with her, I do acknowledge her when she greets me, but I shut down any attempts at a conversation. The redhead is sweet I can see that, but I dunno. The only person I've really opened up to is Remus. 

"Lily, what can I do for you?" Her bright emerald eyes glowered as she looked down at me. Meanwhile, I lied in bed, arms crossed behind my head, watching her. She had her arms crossed against her chest, fingers drumming against her forearms. "I've noticed you spend a lot of time with Remus. What really caught my attention was when I saw you in the courtyard with those obnoxious arses. So, what are you doing with them?" 

Looks like there was no way of avoiding this conversation was there? If there were two things I knew about Lily is that she's stubborn and persistent. "Well, Remus is my partner in about every class for starters, and... erm... we're friends." Saying it out loud made me feel embarrassed since I never really had to say it. The scarred boy and me never really said anything about our friendship out loud, and officially, it just came naturally. At least that's what I think. 

A flash of hurt made its way across the redhead's freckled face, it lasted briefly before morphing back to agitated look. "What about the others, then?" Obviously referring to James, Sirius, and Peter. I didn't have much of a relationship to the three at most they are just housemates, classmates, acquaintances. "What about them, Lils? The only person I don't want to murder in their little boy group is Remus. I met up with them because Remus asked me to, he apparently wants us to hang out together. Hopes that I can make more friends." I muttered the last part, hoping the girl in front of me didn't hear it, but she did. 

There was a dip at the edge of the bed by my feet, shifting the bed's balance from a new weight. My roommate sat down, looking at her feet, lost in her thoughts with her arms resting on her knees. We basked in the silence, waiting for one of us to say something, anything. 

"Are you seriously considering them to be your friends? Don't you remember what happened on the train? How awful they were treating Severus? How they still are awful to him. You want to be friends with them? God, (Y/N). I... I even tried to be your friend at first before Remus, too..." As she kept on, her voice would falter more and more. Soon she brought her hands to her face... 

Oh, Gods. 

She's crying. 

Her hands fiercely rubbed her eyes, praying I couldn't see any loose tears, but it was too late. I pushed myself up, hooking my entwined fingers around my knees, leaning against the headboard of my bed with a frown. Seeing Lily cry like this made me feel like a terrible person. "-Just what is about me that you don't want as a friend, (Y/N)? You...you know, I thought we'd be friends after the ride here, but it seems like the opposite." Her body trembled as she fought the urge to let out any choke sounds and wails. 

What do I do?

I've never had to comfort anyone before. To say that this didn't make me uncomfortable would be both an understatement and a lie. For a moment, I just saw there, watching Lils' form for any change, listening to occasional sniffling and soft choke up sobs. As they grew quieter, we sat together at the edge of the bed, wordlessly staring at the red carpet beneath our feet. 

Fingers wove through my hair, clenching onto each lock as I thought. "Listen, Lily..." Where am I going to go with this? Not like I could say anything to make it better. However, she actually looked up at me now, so that's something. "To be honest with you, I don't really know where I am going with this. Despite that, I didn't mean for you to cry by any means.." Explaining this made me anxious, and I could feel my own tears burning in the corner of my eyes, ready to break at any moment. "You did try to befriend me first, yes, but before either one of you made an attempt, I...the plan was to just be invisible during my time here and hope for the best. Except how persistent you all were wasn't anywhere in the project." All of this was starting to get too much, tears already slid down my cheeks. Then feeling of having a vocal outburst was getting harder to contain. 

A looming feeling hung over me, an emotion, yet I felt it run more profound than that. Something out of my control, I knew these feelings and their profoundness, and the moments I had these were usually when it came to **_her_ ** or when I'm Prunk's house. Yet, at this moment, it felt like a trigger. Was I even here? It's like I am a stranger to myself, hollow and miles away. I mean, did I even really matter? My life is rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. What makes this sad at all is being a child, someone so young. Children shouldn't have these feelings at such a young age, nor should they have thoughts like these. Sadly, it shouldn't don't mean it wouldn't. 

"Remus kept coming back every time, always trying even if I didn't really want any part in it. So I thought, why not? Give him a chance. Furthermore, if I'll have temporary companionship just to get hurt in the end. He'll abandon me, too. Loneliness isn't something new to me, though. Instead, people trying to reach out to me? It's puzzling to me." As I explained, I could tell Lily was listening, actually processing and thinking about what I am saying. It was refreshing to actually be heard for once. Still, it doesn't make it any less scary for me, especially how I could feel her penetrating stare. 

"(Y/N)... is Remus your first friend you've ever made?" Lily, finally speaking, asked this with reluctance. Tears continued to drip down my cheeks; no matter how much I wiped them away with my sleeves, more kept coming. "Y-yeah... he is. Friendship is a struggle for me. I've never really had friends, and it's hard to let people in." It took so much willpower to not choke up into an incoherent mess because, for me, this was like a secret. One part of me I don't want to expose from embarrassment, pity, or in the chance of seeming weak. 

No doubt, after this, Lily will deem me quite pathetic, knowing I've never had a friend until now. I wouldn't blame her. Being a misfit, a weirdo, and a loner was something I've grown into. 

However, I was engulfed in a tight, heated hug that seemed like Lily was trying to squeeze all of the affection and reassurance into me. At first, I just sat there, awkwardly accepting the contact. When I figured she wasn't letting go anytime soon, I found myself burying into her, returning the hug. The physical contact felt comforting, it been a long time since I had this feeling, and I wanted to bask in it. So I nuzzled into it more, Lily didn't seem to mind it at all. Perhaps she knew this was something I desperately needed. 

"Thank you." Though it was barely a whisper, the redhead heard it and rubbed circles in my back. "There's no need to thank me. I think I should be thanking you." This made me pull back from her just enough to be face to face. "Thank me? For what...?" She smiled. Except it wasn't any smile, it was the same smile she gave me on the train. One that was just as radiate like the sun. "For opening up to me." My heart stilled. Wide-eyed with the realization hitting me like a truck, she was right. I actually opened up to someone. Not even Remus had seen this part of me. 

Once we both wiped away what remained of our tears and changing into our nightwear, the atmosphere felt different. Not a bad kind of different. In a way, it felt peaceful. "(Y/N), I really hope we'll be friends now. Please know that I am here for you. You can talk to me whenever and about whatever. Just remember that, okay?" 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Since that night, I spent some time around Evans even if it was mainly during meals or in the common room. Against her wishes, I still hung around the Gryffindor tricksters and Remus. It wasn't that bad, not as bad as I thought at least. We continued acts of mischief though we would always get caught in the end, sometimes escaping punishment out of sheer luck or stupidity. Although we've decided to list every prank we've done to avoid repeats. McGongugall is keeping track as well on what we were not allowed to do or be around anymore. 

Even though I spent a lot of time with them, I didn't agree or liked how they bullied Severus and others. Whenever they did, I would almost always tackle them down, wrestling on the ground and just throwing hands. Remus still had to be the one to pry me off of them and take us to the infirmary. Besides our stunts, fighting was another thing we got in trouble for. Punishments never seemed too terrible for me for some odd reason, but hey, I won't complain. 

What I will complain about, though, is Remus going home yet again, especially on Halloween week. Really? Said that his aunt, this time was sick, which didn't make sense to me. Why did he have to go home because his aunt is sick? Doesn't she have someone else to take care of her already? What an inconvenience. 

Wait.

I still don't really buy into this. Last time the scarred brunette left it planted some seeds of curiosity and doubt. He is hiding something because he's lying to me and disappearing for a week every month. 

My list came into mind once more.

1.) He doesn't like werewolves even the word bothered him

2.) Headmaster Dumbledore has personally given him special permission to take leave for a week every month. 

3.) When he first told me he was on edge and hesitant on telling me even then, he explained it like he needed me to believe it. 

4.) It happened during a full moon week (guess what this week is? another full moon!) 

5.) His green irises have noticeably turned slightly golden starting by the pupils

6.) Fresh scars and wounds when he got back

Guess there's only one way to find out. Hopefully, I just don't get caught... 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

During the week of Halloween, the boys decided to dress up in costumes. For the weirdest reason, Sirius firmly chose his outfit to be a ballerina fairy vampire elf princess. For the elf look, he taped parchment to his ears—a pink princess dress with the biggest pink tutu and ballet shoes. His skin was painted grey with two red dots on his neck and a giant clown red smile. Big bright yellow fairy wings that had glitter vomited on it. To top it off some random blue bob wig with a tiara, both looked like they would fall off at any moment. Where the hell did he even get all of this stuff? 

James wore a turd brown outfit, it was brown from head to toe. Another decision that I questioned. Bell bottom brown pants and work boots to a poorly stitched patchwork quilt of all shades of poo. His piece de resistance is a poorly made horse head that looked very much like a potato sack sewed with another one as the snout and ears and button eyes. It was an odd choice. However, I suppose if you see that in the distance just watching you, inching closer and closer, it'd be freaky. 

Then Peter's costume? It looked like a nightmare from Hell. Do you remember that kid show, Teletubbies? There were four colors, well, they made him into the red one. Oh. They made his [ costume ](https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/low-cost-cosplay-anucha-saengchart-1-58170b87bf2d0__880.jpg) with tape, apples, and some sort of teeth. Words cannot begin to describe this monstrosity. 

For me? I decided to do a gender-bend look. What look could it be? Well, it was the Joker. My suit was maroon with a bright green bubble shirt and mustard yellow vest. My mary janes finally coming into use. Pretty dapper, I'd say. We managed to turn my monochromatic hair into a green color, which I slick back. Lastly, I painted the face of a clown, slightly adding a dripping look to parts. What is more profound than a sad clown? A mad clown. 

I don't know where but Sirius tried to give me a pack of cigarettes for my look. There wasn't anywhere where he could get those. Either way, I declined it, so he, I guess, became the smoking ballerina fairy vampire elf princess. How did I get into this? 

None of the professors seemed to enjoy our holiday spirit except for Dumbledore. At least he knew how to have some fun. Of course, McGongugall kept trying to get us to take them off. We wouldn't. I pulled out flowers, giving them to the transfiguration mistress as a sort of bribe. If that didn't work, I did an interpretive dance, which she didn't know what to make off. 

James would say he was Hogwarts' horse ghost, a lesser-known specter of the school. When asked why he didn't float either and all that, he said he lost his lower half. Sirius would simply shout that he was a fierce smoking ballerina fairy vampire elf princess and should bow down to his fabulousness. 'Obey the princess!' he'd screech down corridors. 

This is such a mess. 

However, it was still fun. Can't complain or deny that much. 

I also decided to take the risk and follow Remus as he leaves if he was genuinely going home or not. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

As soon as everyone slept, I crept out of the tower, silently and stealthy, wandering the halls, searching for anything in regards to Lupin. So far, I had found nothing except for professors keeping watch. At least until I heard Madam Pomfrey in rushed quite tones and movements. Behind her, I saw the silhouette of a very familiar male. 

Remus Lupin

They ended up at the Shrieking Shack. As soon as they arrived, they rushed in, and immediately the school's matron left as quickly as she entered, making her way back. 

However, what really caught my attention was the painful screams and animalistic howling, all of which came from the shack. The very same shack that Remus had just entered. 

Everything went silent for a moment, the air felt very still. Too still. 

A howl broke the unnerving silence, but it sounded too close for comfort. 

Stiffly turning behind me, I saw a giant wol- no, a werewolf. The lycan looked ghastly, very much like a skeleton covered in a thick grey pelt. A shadow was cast over me as it stood on its hind legs, glaring down at me with its amber-gold eyes. Every fiber of my being told me to run, to get the fuck away from the wolf. My feet wouldn't move, I felt glued in place. I couldn't look away from its bright optics. 

Rising to its full height, the lycanthrope pulled back, snarling at me, warning me of the impending strike. Now. Run. JUST OUT OF HERE.

There was ringing and pulsing in my ear, I could hear my own heart as I ran. My lungs and calves burned from running, the only thing that kept me on my feet was the adrenaline. The subconscious survival instincts kicking in, the raw, animalistic feeling kept my blood pumping. Everything flew by me, it was a big blur, the growling and barks always felt like they were in my ear. If I turned around now, there would be no doubt I'd get caught and killed. My limbs were begging me to stop, but my mind told me to keep going, but I also knew I couldn't run forever much less outrun a fucking werewolf. 

Just as I thought it decided to lunge for me rather than merely chasing me. Taking a quick sidestep, just barely dodging the attack, my boots stumbled over a hole, and oh god. It fucking hurt. There was a pain that shot down my ankle, putting any pressure on it made my eyes water. I had to run for my life. The pain won't mean anything if I'm dead. 

Yet my body was beginning to shut down on me with so much pain and exhaustion. Was I really going to die here?

As my sight began to blur, then slowly darken, one of the last things I could remember was tripping and falling. Everything ached. 

Before completely losing consciousness, I could only remember seeing a figure in front of me. Straining my ears, I tried desperately to make out the muffled conversations. Still, I couldn't as my body finally gave into the abyss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈  
> Check out my tumblr for any news/updates for the stories  
> There's a link to a new poll! Everyone has basically decided on fox so now the poll is the nickname. ♡  
> https://tinyurl.com/y4lf54he  
> Have a good one everyone ♡
> 
> P.S. ignore some of my bad references  
> Also decided on the joker cosplay because I love that film + I've dressed up as him c:
> 
> Quote on Godric's plaque is by Octavia Butler (I couldn't help but use it)  
> Inspiration for the pranks ♡ Credit goes to them ♡  
> https://tinyurl.com/yxsxahwp - check them out, they are pretty great!


	6. Her | 'Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation from the last chapter, following what happens to the reader.  
> Finally, we gain information on the anonymous her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :')  
> All my works are unbeta'd so apologies on how they turn out.  
> This feels like a sort of short filler. CAS and the title of the chapter inspired this story/character choices :)  
> They're good band if you've never listened to them before!

Everything had gone quiet. There was only a stillness that resembled Death. It felt peaceful, though. Very much the calm after the horrid storm.

I couldn't recall the last time I'd ever felt this much peace if I ever had at least. The feeling was incredible; it brought a sense of joy, a sense of warmth that spread throughout every inch of my skin. 

This must have been the void. Everything was beautiful and perfect, which was anything but from my reality. If you can remember a bright, sunny summer afternoon in the pool, this might be the closest thing to what I felt. Surrounding me, dulling out all the sounds except for the gentle sloshing of water and the sensation the sun brings on my skin. Particles of dust sparkled in the light as they swayed and spiraled. There even looked like flecks of gold in the soot mixture. Beautiful. 

This is the epitome of serene. 

Did Venus feel this way when she had sprung out of the sea? How her body was surrounded by the ocean, engulfing her like an underwater passage. With the sky's brilliant rays bestowed upon her like a halo. She was very much a pearl child if I've ever seen. A child I've never been. 

Yet I am still connected, we are all pearl children because of our mothers, they are the most real and closest being to Aphrodite. Through the waterlily womb, the mollusk matrix, the belly of the gods. We are birthed nymphs and satyriasis. 

We may look in the mirror and point out every flaw and fault, everything we do not like about ourselves, everything we criticize—a pity. How our mothers would cry worse than one could ever imagine. In their loving eyes, we are perfect, the absolute perfection. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

How the heart swells. Encompassing love, completing our deep-seated yearning of wanting to be cherished and loved and understood. This is the safety I am set on being suspended upon to always feel beloved, without fear or worry. Unfortunately, I couldn't, I couldn't stay, and such a thing was ripped out from under me. For that, wherever I am right now, I wanted to stay. Gods, did it hurt to admit it, but I wanted- no, needed to rest. 

**_She_ ** kept on and on, telling me how I couldn't. How **_her_ ** denial broke me, how it enraged me, but just how much it disappointed me. In a way, it was very much rejection, did **_she_ ** honestly not want me around? It was **_her_ ** that had left me not the other way around. No matter how much I wanted to hate **_her_ ** , scream at **_her_ ** , and curse **_her_ ** name and existence, I could never do it no matter what, not even when **_she_ ** had abandoned me. Because I knew why **_she_ ** did it or least could speculate as to why. Perhaps if I knew when **_she_ ** had done it, I would have followed **_her_ ** into the abyss. So maybe that's why **_she_ ** didn't tell me because I wouldn't understand but, most importantly, how I'd follow **_her_ ** to the end. 

Seeing **_her_ ** smile and **_her_ ** dancing or hearing **_her_ ** laughter or singing our song, just one last time, could have made everything more manageable. Maybe I'm just telling myself that. Talking about **_her_ ** was not much of an option, it was painful, and even thinking and trying to remember her hurt only as worse. Because there were these moments where I have to work so hard. To commemorate **_her_ ** from **_her_ ** eyes, the twitch, and color of **_her_ ** lips, how **_her_ ** hair flowed with any movement **_she_ ** made; **_ she  _ ** was what perfection meant . 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Yvie

Yvie Keziah

Yvie Keziah Soleil 

Yvie Keziah Soleil Lunaris

Her name often confused people, not believing that it is her real name, and they are partially right. I mean, who could believe that? She had changed her name, not Keziah though, that was the only name she didn't change, but to everyone, she was just Yvie, little Yvie. Either way, I always loved it, and that who she still was to me. 

She was always the odd sort, still believed in magic, and passionately compared to what a child might have felt. However, that's what she was, though, an overgrown free-spirited child that made everything better. How does anyone grow up into the type of person she was? With a father that left at a young age, a mother that was an addict unable to function to provide proper care though she did try, she would just relapse every time. If I could recall that was the reason she didn't finish school after her mother passed from using, she decided to travel. 

Something that stumps me is how and where she and Patrick Prunk met then ended up marrying, considering how they are two very opposite people. He was a wealthy, Christian Agnostic college degree stick in the mud doctor. While she was a young, school dropout, a maverick pagan child. Like, she believed in mythology and gods and firmly thought there was magic through a veil ordinary people couldn't see. 

In the beginning, after I came into the picture, everything was blissful as much as I don't want to admit. Between the two of them, I took after her in every aspect causing Prunk to have doubts about me. Just before turning five years old, everything had changed. Why? I didn't know, but Prunk had blamed me for it all. He treated my mother and me differently. Tall Pat became verbally abusive and, at times, physical with us, but she always protected me as much as she could. No matter what, he would ever belittle her and her faith, labeling her crazy. It was like a routine for him to mention it to her at least a dozen times a day. That was the minimum, at least. Fucking asshole. 

I'm sure this made her change as well. She started to become unstable. Memories of us making strawberry bonbons were a favorite, she had an obsession with the treat one that she shared with me. Generally, after making them, we'd take them outside and sit out in the sun to enjoy. Times where we didn't make bonbons, the hard candy was a sufficient substitute, but it was never the same as when we'd make them together in the early mornings. There is always at least one strawberry hard drop candy in my pocket, one that I'd never eat to ensure I still have one on me till I get more. Today they have a bittersweetness. 

Our other moment I always loved was when she'd sing our song. It was the only thing that really helped ground her during shaky moments. Even today, the tune like our treats holds a sense of bittersweetness. The funny part of it is that it already had a feeling of sadness to it. 

_'Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby'_

That was our song. It was ironic. How we sang a song with one another, claiming that nothing could hurt us, especially if we were together. A song that we used to tell one another no one would take us away from each other isn't that funny? Funny how it was she that took herself away from me, from us...

⛧｡:･ﾟ

_Nothing's gonna hurt you baby_

_As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine_

_Nothing's gonna hurt you baby_

_Nothing's gonna take you from my s_ ide

_I'm sorry_

⛧｡:･ﾟ

_"It's affection, always-"_

_"-My attention's on you"_

Was... was someone singing? 

_"Even if it's not what you need"_

Who? Who is singing to me...? Only one person ever sang to me... **_She_ **couldn't be singing to me as much as I'd love to hear her one more time. 

I want to know who it is... I have to know. 

Yet as much as I wanted to know who it was, my eyes just couldn't open, it's like my body is trying to deny me. 

Please... 

I want- I have to know who it is. 

Against my wishes, I could feel myself slipping back into the dark, the singer fading further and further away from my mind. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

My lids were still heavy, and I again couldn't even move, it felt very much like sleep paralysis. Yet I can't remember ever falling asleep...

What was the last thing I could remember? Fuck. Think, think, think—the last thing you can recall.

My mind is at a blank. Not being able to open my eyes or move doesn't help; if anything, it makes everything feel three times worse. 

Is this what dead feeling is like?

Eternal darkness? Not being able to move whatsoever? Not being able to remember what happened? What had gotten me here? Or my mind playing tricks on me? Given a false sense of tranquility, remembering my mother... our moments together, and tormenting me with those memories, of our song, of her favorite artist. 

And now? I'm stuck here, lying still as a corpse unable to open my eyes, feel, move. Just hearing whatever I'm allowed. Turns out, the only thing I can listen to are sentimental tunes of a distant past. 

How fucked up.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

_"-The sparks will fall on me_

_Starry eyes"_

There it is again. The same voice from last time, singing to me again. 

_"Won't you listen that I'm here being"_

How does this voice know these songs? Or that I know them and love them? 

_"For you starry eyes_

_Starry eyes forever shall be mine"_

Maybe this time I can find out... At least if I can. Trying to definitively identify the voice is hard, strenuous on my mind. The person who has been singing to me recently, who I've been obsessed with, the sound was female. Unmistakably female. Yet she sounded so familiar though I've never heard this chanteuse before. How was that? 

Probably when you're dead, everything becomes familiar. Maybe I'm just insane and dead. Pfft. Nothing makes any sense... 

Right?

_"These days, no one's bothering me 'bout nothing_

_These days, no one's bothering me 'bout nothing"_

What song is this? I don't recall ever hearing this before. Guess the idea of things becoming familiar when you're dead is just bullshit. What is this...? 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

"Ma- when do you think (Y/N) will wake up?" 

Hey. There's that familiar voice that's been singing to me lately again. She sounds so worried about me, why is that? Who could possibly be concerned for me? I... I don't have anyone that should or who'd want to be worried for me, right?

"Miss Lunaris should regain consciousness soon, all we can do it just wait." Another female spoke, she said stern and motherly. With this, at least I can safely say I'm not dead. However, I don't know whether I am glad or not about it... 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

White. Bright nearly blinding hurt my eyes and my head, making me wince from that and the pain I felt. I blinked in what felt to be a rhymic pattern as my eyes slowly adjusted to the lighting, fighting the black and grey fuzz around the edges of my vision. The disjointed haze subsided to the point where I could make out where I was and make sense of all that transpired. Specks flickered and danced in odd circular shapes as I took in my surroundings. 

Any attempt at moving or rising up felt impossible. I felt incredibly sore like I've never experienced, my body felt rigid, just lying down on what I assume is a bed? Lying here, I felt more like a cement block. At most, I could turn my head to the side though it took a lot out of me. 

The infirmary. 

From the looks of it, it was daytime with a multitude of windows, seeping light in the spacious hospital wing. Several beds were in pristine condition, empty and ready at a moment's notice. Safe to assume I am the only patient. However, I wasn't the only person in here. 

Squinting my eyes, I could make out by the center(?) of the infirmary were two people, one tall and one short. Despite the strain, my eyes were going through, I continued, trying to make out who was there, from the shape of their bodies they appeared to be females. They were talking, but it was hard to make out their conversation. 

Further past them, I noticed messy silhouettes that became clearer and clearer as they approached. Either way, it was still challenging to make them out since I lie in the hospital wing's deepest part. The only way for me to know who everyone was if they came closer. If they came closer anyway. 

Hissing through my teeth, I turned my head back, looking towards the ceiling before closing my eyes. Succumbing once more to familiar darkness. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

"Shhh, if you keep making such loud noises, you'll definitely wake her up." Someone hissed. 

I shifted in the bed as much as I could, although I felt that someone was touching or holding me? The fuck.

"Pfft, it's okay. Don't be such a worry boggart. I doubt she'll wake up if she hasn't already. Just hurry up already." Another person scoffed, they sounded very familiar. In fact, it seemed a lot like Sirius. If it was similar to Black, it had to be him because there is no one else like that jackass. 

As soon as I felt my hand dropped into sudden wetness, my eyes cracked open, glaring up at a frozen in place, Sirius. His grey optics were wide like saucers and his mouth in an 'o' like a fish. "Shit." Just behind him were James and Peter with similar expressions. Shifting my attention, my hand was in a bowl of water. The idiots tried to do the hand in a bowl of warm water prank on me. 

"W-what in the actual fuck.." I croaked out, burning holes into each of the boys. Lowering my gaze, I noticed the front of Peter's trousers had a wet spot growing. Did he just piss himself? Before I could say anything else, Sirius jumped and ran. The other two Gryffindor's immediately followed after the brunette out of the room, laughing. Before they completely disappeared, I heard them say something around the lines of "Peter, what the hell? DID YOU REALLY JUST PISS YOURSELF?" 

"Assholes." I murmur, shaking my hand out of the ceramic bowl. Laying in the bed, curled up like a cat, I stared blankly at the teal curtains, thinking for a moment. Where was Remus in the mix? 

A chuckle breaks the silence and my thoughts. "It seems their little prank didn't go as planned, it seems." The chuckler hummed. 

Out of the corner of my gaze, I saw a silvery blue fabric rustling. "Good to see you've finally awoken, at last, Miss Lunaris." Exhaling a sharp breath as I pushed myself upwards into a sitting position before I was the headmaster himself, Dumbledore. "Professor Dumbledore." 

He stood at the end of the bed, hands clasped behind his back with a smile. At bed end table, I could see various sweets, some cards which many were crude that I could tell were from the band of tricksters, and other little knickknacks along with what I assume is notes and such that I've missed. 

He peered down at everything on the table. "Seems you've constantly been in your friends' thoughts." From what I could see, there were jelly slugs, chocolate frogs, sugar mice, Berti Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and sherbet lemons. Based on looking at the professor, I could see him eyeing the little yellow wrapped sweets. "You can have the lemon drops, sir." 

Dumbledore looks up at me with a smile, picking the lemon-flavored candy and pocketing them while unwrapping one drop and popping it in his mouth. "Thank you. So, how are you feeling?" The older wizard sits by my bed, staring down at me. I found it rather odd to have the headmaster visit me himself, I doubt he does this every time a student gets hurt. Doesn't make much sense as to why he's here right now...

"Er... I've been better. My body is sore all over, but I'm glad that I managed to open my eyes and move." I shrug, fidgetting with my fingers. Dumbledore doesn't respond, merely maintaining focus on me. "Is there something you wish to ask?" He smiles. Yes. Do I really want to ask? Probably not, but I have to know. 

"Can you tell me what happened? I don't really... I can't recall what happened. The most I can remember is... is sneaking out of the castle. Was I out long? Are you here because I'm in trouble, sir?" After one question came out, more and more came out, stringing each inquiry along. 

"Aha. Hahaha. It seems you have a lot of questions." His shoulders shake as he chuckles. My cheeks grow flush, feeling sheepish about how confused I am and the possibility of severe punishment for breaking the rules, sneaking out after curfew. "Professor Dumbledore? I... am I... am I in trouble, sir? 

"No, my child. Under any other circumstances, I think there might be a punishment warranted. However, this... is a particular matter." Wetting my lips, I cautiously looked at the older wizard. "And what might that be, sir?" 

"Remus Lupin." 

Fuck.

That's right... Remus is- 

A werewolf. 

Based on his expression from the one I was giving him, he knows that I know and remember what happened. "That he's... he's a...-" 

"A werewolf, yes." Dumbledore finishes for me. 

Parts of that night flashes through my mind—the fear, the adrenaline, the howling, and those big golden orbs staring down at me. That wasn't some feral beast, no, that was my best friend. He shouldn't be blamed for anything that night though I don't remember what happened afterward when I tumbled. Just I know it was something he couldn't help, and that it was my own fault. After all, I did sneak out, breaking curfew. 

"Is he alright?" 

"Yes, Remus is alright. I wouldn't worry about him too much."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that I can, professor. It's gut-wrenching to think about How he's alone going through all of that every month. Forced to go through that excruciating amount of pain. So, how can one not worry about him? Especially since he's... he's my best friend." My voice grows softer at the end. 

"I understand what you are saying, (Y/N). I agree with you, but it is for Remus and the rest of the students' safety. No one was supposed to find out about this..." 

"I won't tell anyone, professor. That I can promise you. This isn't mine to share, and I know the judgment he'd face if anyone found out." I murmur bitterly, thinking what would happen if the whole school knew Lupin's secret. 

Dumbledore smiles gently. "There's no doubt you won't say anything. I trust you can keep a secret." His eyes twinkle just before giving a wink. Mischievous wizard, heh. 

"I do believe you should rest, Miss Lunaris. We wouldn't want to keep you here with Madam Pomfrey forever now, do we?" 

Letting out a short laugh, I gently shake my head. "No, sir." 

"Good. Hopefully, the next time we talk, our situation will be more pleasant." I simply nod in agreement, sinking back into my bed, barely awake to see the headmaster retreat out of the room. 

⛧｡:･ﾟ

My stay at the hospital wing was about five days. For three days, I was unconscious, barely slipping into consciousness by the second day. Day three, I managed to wake up and speak to Dumbledore. 

After that, which was about two days, the school matron saw I was fit enough to be discharged from her care, not before lecturing me on staying safe, follow the rules. Just overall how dangerous it was for me to follow her and Remus that night. 

The first person I actually talked to since I left the infirmary was Lily. Apparently, she and Severus would visit me when I was still unconscious. No doubt, the redhead dragged the silent boy along with her. They would leave me behind notes and other lessons I've missed, ensuring I wouldn't fall behind. I was eternally grateful for times a zillion. Both of them were the smartest in our year thus far. So this was a score getting notes from them. It was surprisingly easy to comprehend, much more comfortable than what Remus and I get out of every lesson. 

It also turns out that Lily gifted me the sherbet lemons, a kind act on her part. However, I didn't really care for the lemon candy in particular. Professor Dumbledore seemed rather content on taking them, though. 

"Hey, Lils?" She hummed, acknowledging the fact I was calling for her. "Is there any chance that... when you were visiting me that.... that you saw or heard someone singing... to me?" 

"Oh, um... I, yeah." Her freckled cheeks turned pink as she struggled to find her words. "It was me." 

"You? Wha-Wait, so you were the one singing all those songs?" I frown.

"Yeah. Sorry, it was terrible, wasn't it? Just thought it'd be nice to do something for you till you woke up. I'd talk to you about how the days went when you were out and read some stories, but I guess my bad singing was what you made out, huh?" She laughed, giving a broad smile. 

"No, no. You weren't bad at all. Honestly, I was surprised. Only one person has ever sung to me, so it just threw me off. Two of those songs you sang were ones I knew, and they have a special place in my heart." I swallowed, chewing on my lip as I confessed to her. 

"Oh, really? I'm sure it was just a coincidence. I just sang some songs I heard recently on the radio, you know? The first two were sad, yet they had some kind of dream-like trance to them."

"I see. I- well, thank you, Lily. You were terrific, so don't feel bad. It was definitely something I needed. I appreciate everything you've done for me, it's already too much, but thank you, I'm really grateful." 

She hugs me tightly. "Of course, I told you, I'm here for you, remember? We're friends. You can count on me as much as you count on Remus, too, you know." Lily playfully shoves my shoulder, giggling. 

"I know. Thanks for not giving up on me." I wrap my arms around her, hugging her in a tight embrace. Gods, what is this? Emotions? Hissss. I don't know what those are.

I'm just an overgrown baby trying to be punk rock or something.

Gah.

"Oh, don't forget about that satchel that was left for you. There wasn't a note or anything left with it, nor did I see who had dropped it off. We just left it on your bed since it's yours."

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Lily made ensure I was caught up to speed with everything that happened. Starting with all of the missing assignments and filling me in about any significant drama that occurred. By scene, she meant the Gryffindor males who she detested. They were still up to their mischief even when I was out of commission. However, she noticed they had visited me in the infirmary, leaving behind sweets and all the handmade crude get well cards. 

I was surprised to hear they actually came by to visit much less leave behind things for me. There's no way I'd say this to their faces, but I really appreciated their concern and sentiment. The trickster band wasn't that bad though I still do not approve of their bullying; moreover, they care for each other, that much is clear, and it looks like they cared about me too now. 

Maybe I am finally finding my place.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Ever since I've returned to classes, the boys seemed closer to me than before, including James. Looks like the possibility of dying can improve any relationship, huh? Well, what do you know? 

Although I had enjoyed the attention and closeness with my friends, there was only one person I hadn't been able to talk to.

Remus. 

Anytime I tried to approach him, he'd turn the other way. Most scenarios where we make eye contact, he's gone in a blink in an eye. Remus avoided me everywhere, from classes to lunch and the common room. This resulted in me spending more time with Lily and her friends, I couldn't keep hanging out with the boys because those were Remus' only friends. I didn't want to pry them away from him. 

The ginger Gryffindor girl was over the moon that I've been spending more and more time with her. Part of me feels that she thinks I don't like hanging around the boys anymore or that I realized they were no good. However, that wasn't the case, far from it.

I need to take matters into my own hands. If I don't, then my best friend will be gone entirely. He's not making any attempts to talk about what happened that night, avoiding the issue, and it won't make it or me go away. 

Guess I'll have to face the dementor head-on.

I should say werewolf, but they're just big puppies...

Okay...

Maybe Remus is a giant puppy...

He does give the best puppy dog eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading as usual. ♡  
> Please make sure to vote on the nickname poll!  
> https://linkto.run/p/PB0XNJDD  
> Follow me on tumblr for any updates. @slashercemetry  
> I also made a 3D model of the chapter special in Overthinker! Make sure to check it out.  
> Until next time (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) Also school is getting closer and closer *cri*


	7. Remus: through his mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was something that was requested, getting to see the boys' pov!  
> I really hope you guys enjoy it, I tried my best! This was supposed to be posted before my birthday (Thursday), but here we are...
> 
> We go through the perspective of Remus J. Lupin, seeing the previous chapters and unseen parts through his eyes. 
> 
> Some of it might be slightly repetitive of the last chapters so I apologize for that;;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy!  
> Let me know what you think of the chapter and if the boys' povs would be something you all would want more of in the future chapters ♡°◌̊  
> >this chapter's moodboard in be added later on<
> 
> excuse any mistakes my works might have as they are not beta'd  
> thank you :)

To the people of both magical and nonmagical descent, stop wishing to be a werewolf. Trust me, all of those super badass action werewolf movies or those girly romance flicks, they don't show you just how terrible being a werewolf is. I know this all by firsthand experience.

It was only about a week before my fifth birthday when it happened. During this time, the amount of Dark magical activity was steadily rising. Voldermort's first ascent to power was progressing, aided by his loyal Death Eaters. The latter recruited Dark creatures of all kinds to overthrow the Ministry. To combat that, the Ministry started the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. My father, Lyall Lupin, was more than happy to join.

This led to the rise of discrimination against non-human species; boggarts, centaurs, giants, elves, and yes, werewolves. Although there was almost a sense of sovereignty, it was felt towards centaurs and giants. While the rest people felt disgusted by them, they loathed them, but they also feared them. There weren't that many people advocating for these non-humans. I was sure it was their own fear of becoming outcasts themselves.

I wish I were old enough to recall instances of discrimination I witness as a child. Still, I was too young to remember, much less too young to understand what was going on at the time.

The Werewolf Registry was as bent as a nine bob note. The wizarding world shunned werewolves to the point that the lycans just avoided the magical society. They stuck themselves to packs and did the best they could to prevent the W.R. and being registered.

I was about four years old when my dad got involved in a severe case. When he met Fenrir Greyback. At the time, Greyback was brought in for questioning regarding the murder of two muggle children. When the Ministry confronted him, they had not known Greyback's status, which allowed him to fool them into believing he was a clueless muggle, amazed to be in a room full of wizards. When the case was disclosed to him, he feigned shock over the unfortunate fate the two children faced.

The man in question was ill-dressed, coated with filth, and lacked a wand. This was enough to convince the questioning committee. Then again, the Ministry is filled with ignorant, overworked members that'd easily accept what they saw before themselves. However, it wasn't enough to clear Lyall Lupin, not by a long shot.

Lyall quickly recognized all the significant signs in Greyback's appearance and behavior that convinced the committee to hold the man for the next 24 hours. To my father's dismay, nothing happened, which resulted in his fellow associates to mock him. This caused my father to lose his ordinarily calm, collected nature in an instance, lashing out and expressing his abhorrent thoughts about lycanthropes. With all his opinions out in the open, Lyall was quickly dismissed from the room. After the committee apologized to the man for their colleague's behavior, he was escorted out. Before his escort could place the memory charm to Fenrir, he was overpowered by him and two others that waited for Fenrir's return.

Once the three men fled the scene, Greyback shared every single word Lyall Lupin expressed about werewolves, their kind. Unbeknownst to Lyall, he would always feel regret and guilt every single day for the rest of his life because he had to open his mouth that day.

In the dead of night, the vengeful werewolf forced his way into my bedroom through the window, attacking me in my sleep. Although my father managed to reach my room in time to save my life, it wasn't time to have prevented the attack, to prevent me from becoming the very thing he loathed.

Father did all he could to find a cure, but it was too late. Neither potions nor spells could cure me.

My parents' lives became governed by my condition. The status of my lycanthropy was a secret, as is the night of the attack. Father did as much as he could to hide all of this from me. However, children as curious creatures, and not to mention I was contained inside my entire life, it was lonely. I did what I could to hear others, including the hushed whispers of my parents late in the night.

It was hard to process when I found out; I never said anything to them about it. What could I? Faulting father and driving his guilt even further wouldn't change anything. I wouldn't get the childhood I deserved.

I was rarely allowed outside of the house. I was strictly forbidden from playing with other children by the fear of revealing my condition.

Nights of new and full moons, my parents would lock me in a room coaxed with numerous silencing spells, but as I grew, so did my wolffish self. By the time I was ten years old, I could easily break down doors and smash windows, and to contain my growing strength, even more, powerful spells were needed.

This took a toll on my parents as they grew thinner and more exhausted, and their worry and fear skyrocketed. With how much activity was caused by the Death Eaters, the community was already on edge. So, if they had found out, they wouldn't be so merciful.

Not that I blame them, it was merely the time we are living in.

Any hope my parents had for me disappeared. We were all more than confident I'd never go to school as they envisioned.

However, just before my eleventh birthday, Albus Dumbledore, a surprising, unexpected visitor, came by to the house. It was all thanks to the Headmaster of Hogwarts that I actually have a life that I could go to school and be around other people for once in my life.

Special arrangements were made specifically for me to enable my attendance. Never in my life have I been this excited. My dream finally came true.

The night of September 1st, I was sorted into Gryffindor, and even faster than expected, I befriended two boys from there.

James Potter and Sirius Black.

They were things I was not; confident, cheerful, or rebellious. Somehow, my quiet sense of humor and kindness attracted their attention.

Since I knew what it was like as an outcast, I developed a certain feeling towards underdogs, particularly Peter Pettigrew, a short and stocky boy who wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. With just a little persuasion, I managed to convince James and Sirius to include Peter, and from that day, all four of us became best mates.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Although I love those three to death, they did become a handful more often than not. Somehow I found myself often functioning as our group's conscience, although there are times even I wasn't the best.

Some kind of conscience, huh? Haha.

Still, I met this peculiar girl in potions class on the first day of classes. On the night of the Sorting Ceremony, she stood and looked back at everyone with a firestorm in her eyes.

(Y/N) Lunaris.

She was different without a doubt. You could just tell by looking at her.

In a sea of students, you could find her easily in the crowd just by her hair alone. Half and half, there was a beautiful duality, like an angel and a demon—a perfect balance of Light and Dark. Her locks rested on her shoulders as they usually did. I don't think I've ever seen her style it, not that it matters. In fact, I preferred it down; most days, it was straight almost uniformly, and other days it was slightly wavy. Either way, I'm sure I could thread my fingers through her hair, no doubt soft as silk.

Out of everyone, she was the only person to wear her uniform and not the other way around. (Y/N) chose to wear it in her own way; always two buttons unbuttoned with her sleeves rolled up, a loose red and gold striped tie, forgoing the vest, open cloak, ripped tights that she sometimes layered with mismatching socks, and a pair of beaten up black combat boots.

We started talking due to the foul stench caused by our peers burning their cauldrons.

From there, it gets interesting, though.

Starting with my name. If I actually thought about it, no one really broke down my name as she did. I also couldn't help but see the irony of it all.  
My last name is Lupin, meaning wolf, then named after a twin raised by a she-wolf. Honestly, it was rather odd and, in a sense, a sick joke with my name because of how I was forcibly made a werewolf.

After that, our conversation ended awkwardly. It wasn't anything against Lunaris, though. No, it was my shame.

If only she knew the half of it.

At first, I tried to keep my mind off of her once we went to Herbology with Hufflepuff. As much as I don't want to admit, it was easy to distract myself during class, especially when Peter somehow managed to set his hair on fire. Again, not really the brightest bulb, but he was an alright lad.

From there, I watched her leave once class was over; Sirius was hot on her tail, though. He soon caught up with her and looped his arm around her, but that was all I could see from the crowd before they disappeared.

I knew I had to talk to her again.

I just had to.

My next chance was Charms, but I would miss it as the redhead, Lily Evans, drags her to a pair of empty seats. Throughout the class, I would glance her way, noting her visible frustration with the lesson. That's when an idea struck me, but I would have to engage with her for it to work, or so I think.

As soon as Charms ended, she bolted as fast as she could. I took to a faster pace, trying to catch up with her so we could sit together, but it was like Fate was against me. Lunaris was already seated in the middle next to a Ravenclaw boy, damn.

No choice but to bite the bullet.

Even though I was nervous as hell, I tapped her on the shoulder, which surprised her as if she was expecting someone else. I smiled at her before turning my attention to the Ravenclaw lad, feeling a tad terrible about asking him to move so I could sit with her.

Maybe Luck was on my side because I found myself sitting next to her before I knew it. We struck up another conversation; it was almost as awkward as the first. Still, eventually, she asked me plainly why I wanted to sit with her.

Why did I want to sit with her? To be honest, I wasn't exactly sure myself, but a part of me felt compelled, so I listened.

After our last class, we ended up studying together before eating dinner.

It was pleasant, if not beyond that.

The fear of her finding out my secret escaped me just for that moment, trying to bask at the moment.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

For the most part, I typically sat with (Y/N), and we'd make idle chitchat and some jokes. We'd always study and eat dinner together. It was a nice change of pace from how chaotic the lads are.

Except for my previous worry, I dismissed resurfaced as we began our lesson on werewolves, particularly curing their bites. The study brought back bad memories and served as a painful reminder of my irreversible condition. Every fiber of my being tensed up, I swore I was paler than a sheet and never had I felt so sick in my life than I did at that moment. When I saw her eyes flicker at me with a burning curiosity, I knew that was the moment I should have broken off any bits of our friendship. Still, I didn't want the fear of my condition to keep me from trying to have any sense of normalcy.

With the first full moon on its way, I had to make up an excuse to (Y/N) before I disappear for the week. As I took the time to tell her I was just popping out for a bit, only for a week, I grew more anxious under her gaze, no doubt sensing my hesitation.

"I'll be... I'll be gone for the next week or so because my mum is... sick. I check on her for a week each month with Dumbledore's permission. Just thought you should know." With shaky fingers, I thread through my hair to the base of my neck where I unconsciously scratched and tightly gripped.  
"Really? Sorry to hear about your mum. I hope she's alright." She gave me a look over that made me shift uncomfortably to where I crossed my arms, that being the closest defensive position I could muster.

At some point, I zoned out, staring blankly at the floor. The world was nothing but a buzz as my mind played out worse case scenarios. "Are... are you alright, Remus?" A sudden weight on my shoulder brought me back to reality. Looking up, I could see my friend's concern as she saw me so out of character. "Sorry, a lot is going through my mind," I couldn't help but murmur. I meant to smile at her like everything was okay. But the most I could give was a sad, unsure smile instead of one of reassurance.

By the end of the week in the dead of night, Madame Pomfrey escorted me out to the rundown shack on the lonely hell for my transformation. My mind was plagued the entire time until the very minute of my painful morphing.

The pain was excruciating beyond imaginable. There wasn't exactly one area that hurt. It was everywhere. It started in my head; it felt like my skull was being pounded in with a hammer, repeatedly swung down with more force each time. My eyes honestly shook as an electric-like pain shoot across, making my eyes just shudder involuntarily. Suddenly, I was hunched over on as my spine cracked. My hands held at my aching head began snapping, making sounds that would have made me vomited if it wasn't so agonizing. Anytime I transformed, I dug my nails into my skin, gripping on like a lifeline only to mar and deform my skin even further. The back of my legs jerked themselves outward by the calves. Any groans and grunts of pain coming from me came out more like the howls of an ungodly creature, but then again, wasn't that the very thing I was turning into?

The last thing I remember was collapsing to the old wooden floors, seeing my regular white skin hands turn into massive, grey paws with drips of blood. I just barely caught my eye on a shattered mirror to see intense golden orbs staring back at me before the world became dark.

I could never remember what happened after my transformation, but a big part of me never wants to know. Who knows what terrible things I could have done? What horrible things I did do, and how much worse they would have been if I could consciously remember.

The scars, new and old, are almost like a symbol of my guilt, shame, and perhaps the closest thing I could have like a sense of atonement.

For being a monster.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

By the time I returned from my long 'nourishing my mum back to health' week off school, I was nearly late for my first class back, Transfiguration. No doubt, I looked like an utter mess when I slid into my seat by (Y/N), but despite that and being out of breath from running here, I gave her a goofy smile. Even as McGonguall entered and began her lesson, we spoke in hush tones until her eyes narrowed down on us as our only warning.

Talk later, got it.

After we finished in Transfiguration, we walked shoulder to shoulder towards HoM. This, when she had to ask, "What happened to you? I mean, you have all these new scars and cuts after getting back. What could have happened during your visit?"

Seven bloody hells.

What can I tell her? What could she possibly believe without question?  
My body tensed up as I quickly tried to rack my brain for anything, something to tell her. "Uh... I ahem... My family has... a cat," I wet my lips as my voice gradually falters, knowing this is complete rubbish, unbelievable rubbish.

All she did was raise a brow, quizically staring at me before breaking the nervewracking silence that took me off guard. "So, what did you do to piss off, Millicent?"

I almost did a doubletake, wait, is she really buying this? There's just no way. The lads would have believed it no problem, or just dismiss it and go about some crazy scheme. But (Y/N)? She's smarter than that...

Blinking, I stared at her dumbly. "Piss of who?"

She sighed. "Your Simba? Tigger? Sylvester? Hell, your freaking Garfield?"

Oh- OH, hell. The cat, the fake cat.

Nervously chuckling while rubbing the back of my neck, trying to play it off as coolly as one could manage, "oooh, ahaha. Right, right, my cat."

"So, what's your cat's name then?" It was like she knew I was lying! She had to have known the cat isn't real, but I have to convince her. Cat name, think think... catnamecatname- "...My cat is... is named... Katty."

Blimey, bloody, berk!  
Bollocks. Of all names to try and come up with, I chose the least realistic!  
'Katty.'

Utter cack-handed mong.

"You named your cat, 'Katty'? Really? You might as well have named it Kitty." Her words made my cheeks flush red with embarrassment. She wasn't wrong. However, I was put in the spot, and it was the first thing that came to mind!

"Oh, shut up. Not everyone is as creative as you. If I were, then maybe he wouldn't have attacked me." wait... WAIT. HE?! WHY WOULD I SAY THAT? Might as well shove a dunce cap on me. I'm making things arse over tits worse.

She snickered at my response, almost like she enjoyed watching me improv at the spot and failing quite miserably. "He? Hold on, you're telling me your cat is a boy, yet he is named 'Katty'? No wonder why he attacked you. I sure as hell would do the same!"

(Y/N) punched my shoulder with a laugh. Honestly, it seemed like everything wasn't a lie at the moment, about the cat and her going on with it. Not with these frank exchanges. All of my nerves slowly wash away as I felt no longer concerned for the time.

"Well, aren't you lucky your not my cat then," I stuck my tongue out.

"Praise the Gods I'm not. Now move your arse can't let professor Binns' rambling go to waste." She was right. Although the ghost teacher was kind enough, he could never shut up. Too in tune with his lectures.

Doesn't matter, though. My mind wandered back to the though of if (Y/N) was my cat, much less any pet, and I think she might actually attack me. Then again, she's got a tough exterior, but inside I know she's a bit of a softy. The thought made me smile.

Actually, if anything made me smile, it'd be her.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

HoM went on as it usually did, students half paying attention to the specter that mindlessly rambled on and on. Sirius and James, the lads, sit just a few seats behind (Y/N) and I. The twins of mayhem and chaos were folding up parchment pieces into various birds and even insects, letting them fly freely. A couple of the birds made themselves at home in some of the girls' hairs, leaving them annoyed while the surrounding lads snickered. Any girls that weren't being groomed had paper bugs crawling around their desks and belongings.

I couldn't help my small fit of laughter for a brief moment before it lost its charm. Glancing over at my partner, I could see she was bored, half listening and half daydreaming.

For the next 45 minutes, I idly wrote down notes, trying to keep track of most of what Professor Binns lectured for both (Y/N) and me.

Speaking of (Y/N), just as class ended, I saw that she was still blankly staring off into space, clearly unaware that class has ended.

This was one of the only moments I could silently look at her without her giving me an odd look or some remark about me staring. Her arm was propped up on the desk with her hand cupping under her chin. She was leaning forward on the desk, her other hand rested on the surface, mindlessly drumming in a rhymic pattern.

Glancing at her, her attire was the in her usual out of dress code way. It became well associated with her. Initially, professors enforce the dress code on her, but it never went through to her. Honestly, it might be due to the fact she'd argue with them about it, becoming an unnecessary hassle that they just stopped. No doubt she felt victorious in the end.

I was actually relieved myself. Like I said before, I liked how (Y/N) wore her uniform, she was unique and rebellious, and I admired Lunaris for that.

Recently, I took notice of some new accessories she added to her robes.

Like, one of them was a black and gold pin with a cat, scrunched up hissing, although to me it looked more like a squirrel. One of the several pins (Y/N) had on, I knew, was a rock band, Queen, which Mum enjoyed too.

It took me a moment to notice since her robes were barely hanging onto her shoulder; there was a patch on the right shoulder. It was of a large, singular white feather. That one I didn't really know much about or what it could mean. Maybe its something I could ask her sometime?

For now, we should get split.

"(Y/N)?" The girl in question lulled her head to the side, acknowledging me. "The one and only, Remus." Cheeky girl, I shook my head with a chuckle vibrating out of me while giving her a playful push on the shoulder. "You and these responses, I swear."

"Anyway, do you... uh... would you..." My voice trailed off as we made eye contact, making me lose my train of thought. Wait, what was I going to say?

"Do I? Would I? What?" She snorted and snickered at me. No doubt witnessing my visible embarrassment. I couldn't meet her eyes, so I kept my gaze glued to the floor.

Looking at the stone floor, it slowly came back to me, what I wanted to ask her.

"Oi!"

"Remus!" Turning around, I saw the lads, James, Peter, and Sirius, just a few feet down the corridor from me.

"James, Peter, Sirius." I nodded.

"Where are you off to now? We haven't seen you as much lately." James inquired.

"Oh, I know where." Sirius grinned slyly.

"Sirius." I frowned, warning him not to say anything. I wasn't going to tell the guys anything yet, especially since I knew James wasn't on the best terms with (Y/N).

"Will either one of you just say it already?" James crossed his arms, getting annoyed with this long game.

"He's going to meet up with Lunaris! You know the girl that sucker-punched you, breaking your nose?" Sirius laughed, getting a kick out of that day like it was just yesterday.

"Wait. What?!" James looked over at me, gobsmacked. "Since when were you two so close?!"

"Who are we talking about?" Peter frowned, feeling left out.

"(Y/N) Lunaris." James hissed. Although Peter still didn't seem to understand who it was, they were talking about.

"Peter, I don't think you'd get it even if explained it from the beginning, much less took you on a time travel adventure," Sirius muttered.

"She's in our house, Peter. Plus, she's my partner in potions, remember? For the most part, I sit with her." I explained, trying to fill the slow boy.

"You didn't answer the question!"

I hesitantly scratched the back of my neck. "Well, I guess since the first day. Is it really a surprise? I mean, we are partners, after all. Again, I do sit with her in most of our classes, and I sometimes study with her before dinner."

"Ohhhh, her," Peter says in realization.

"Come on, and you're really friends with her?" James crossed his arms.

"She's honestly not that bad." I sighed.

"Not that bad! She. Broke. My. Nose," James emphasizing each word.

"James, really, though, I think she made you look better," Sirius snickered, running behind me, using me as a human shield. James scowled at Sirius, lowering his stance as he was prepared to lunge at him before he hid behind me.

"She's lovely." Peter frowns. "She gave me some little candies... uhh... they were delicious. Strawberry bonbons, mmmm," The slow lad moans as if he was eating the treats right now.

"Who cares about some fruity chocolates, Peter!" James turned, glaring at the boy just mentioned. Poor lad didn't deserve it.

"I could eat some right now," Sirius thoughtfully chimed in. James instantly turned to him, giving the same irritated look. "What? I'm just saying," He shrugged in response, unphased.

"Anyway, why don't you invite her to hang with us sometime then?" Sirius got serious...

Wow. Sirius was serious.

"What?! No! Absolutely not." Well, it looks like we know where James stands. Really though? He should get to know her; she isn't that bad. Maybe she shouldn't have broken his nose. It's all in the past now, though.

"Come on, James." I sighed.

Taking off his glasses, holding it in one hand and using the other to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I'm not going to win this, am I?

"Oh, not at all, not by a long shot," Sirius grinned. In response, James exhales deeply through his nose. "Fine, fine. Since you're all so insistent, bring her by next time in the courtyard."

What was the worse that could happen? I mean, she already punched him. At most, they just get into a fistfight and potentially kill each other with their bare hands. What could go wrong?

"She has very nice legs, too." Peter's voice fades out.

Coming back to the present, I looked up at (Y/N), meeting her bright eyes. They were beautiful, but not just that; they always held this unwavering twinkle to them. "Would you consider hanging out with my mates and me?"

I couldn't necessarily read her expression. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. With earnest eyes, I searched her gaze almost pleadingly, hoping that she wouldn't say no.

After a moment, she finally caved."Fine. Know that I am only doing it for you. However, it doesn't mean I'll play nice." Her arms were folded across her chest, holding onto her biceps.

Even though I knew she didn't exactly want to, she agreed anyway for me. I couldn't help but have the biggest smile plastered across my face. I couldn't contain my excitement as I pulled her into my side, hugging her.

"You're the best." The look on her face had, 'damn right, I am' written all over it. And you know what? She is the best.

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for noticing. At least someone can appreciate me. Where are we meeting with your mates?"

"We're going to meet up after class and head over to the courtyard."

"Alright, that's if I even manage to make it out alive," she sighed, clearly dreading HoM.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

(Y/N) survived HoM, and now we were hanging around in the courtyard with the lads. Now, she was just sitting in the grass by me. Everyone seemed to enjoy having her around, I was glad. James wasn't as pleased, but at the very least, he was trying.

"Well, well, whaddya know! I see you caved in. Told ya that you'd say yes, love." Sirius had a smirk on his face, feeling triumphant. When did he speak to her? It must have been when I was gone for the week...

"Yes, I decided it was finally time to grace you, lowly mortals, with my presence." She wriggled her nose in response to Sirius, not necessarily in disgust but more so annoyed. Yet, he continued to give her a mischievous look.

"Take a picture, Black, maybe it'll last longer." (Y/N) shifted from her sitting position so that she was resting her back to the lush grass with her arms crossed behind her head. Her attention was clearly set on the sky above. It was a clear day with vibrant skies and perfectly fluffy white clouds that shifted by, changing its shape at will.

However, I found myself at peace just by watching her. It was indeed a beautiful day.

"Remus, why did you bring her along with you?" Is he serious right now? He's acting as if we didn't discuss this previously.

"Come on, James. I just wanted her to meet you all; that way, I can spend more time with both of you. This is also a good opportunity for (Y/N) to have some more friends." I sighed wearily. His pettiness towards her was tiresome and just annoying.

"Oi! I invited her too! Before you even asked her, Remy! If she came for anyone, it had to be for me." Sirius jumped in, head high, chest puffed out.

Tilting his head to the side, James' black brows were drawn together with his face contorted into one of utter confusion. His mouth was agape as he gave Sirius the most prominent 'wtf' look.

Merlin. Did he just develop a sudden case of amnesia?

"Wait, hold on... Sirius, you were in on this too?!"

In response, he was thrown a nonchalant shrug from his best friend. "Yeah. She's pretty badass, especially after punching us both on the train. Hell of a punch she got. I mean, you already know cause your nose and all." The careless Gryffindor snickered no doubt, recalling that moment.

However, James didn't find it as funny, go figure. His face was bright red as if he ate a hot pepper, and steam was ready to pour from his ears.

"Haha, so you two got your arses kicked by a girl?" Peter gripped his stomach as he burst into fits of laughter. At least now, he finally knew what happened on the train.

"Shut up, Peter!" The stocky boy's laughter stopped as soon as James flew up, stalking his way towards him, which he was clearly smart enough to scramble up to his feet, breaking into a run. The two of them were red-faced as they ran in a circle within the courtyard. It was comical.

It didn't take long for Peter to tire out. He was lying on the grass with James on top of him from tackling him down. Now they were just wrestling on the grass. This sort of roughhousing wasn't new to us.

" Hey, love, why don't you join in on our next prank?"

She gave it a thought then shrugged with a smile grin of her own. "Alright, what kind of game are we playing then?"

Sirius returned the grin. I wasn't sure if I should be happy she was getting along with everyone just fine to where she'd be involved in our trouble. With one hand pushing its way through his hair and the other on my knee, I muttered silently to myself, "I dunno if I'm going to regret this..."

Unfortunately, it seemed that Sirius heard me anyway. "Pfft. You already know you will, Remy. Not like you don't join us, nor will you stop us."

Sirius snickered, delivering hard pats to my friend's back, causing me to launch forward. He was right, after all. I couldn't let these lads have all the fun, now could I?

⛧｡:･ﾟ

By the time everyone settled down, each of us, primarily Sirius, James, or I told (Y/N) of our pranks. Peter tried to retell one of their jokes, but he couldn't remember a lot of what happened to put it kindly.

One of the tales we told her was a two for one, involving a simple whoopee cushion. It started by consistently leaving it on Slughorn's chair until it evolved to taking turns each night to put the balloon pillow on Dumbledore's chair. However, it didn't last too long since McGonagall rooted out the source; us. She gave us an earful, and it started the list of what we were not allowed to do. No more whoopee cushions and we were certainly not allowed near the headmaster's seat anymore.

The next tale we told her was about the lavatory signs. We had temporarily charmed them to switch to the opposite gender periodically.  
A lot of girls were pretty angry afterward. Charming lavatory signs became forbidden there, which resulted in us infesting the girls' bathrooms with various insects. Said insects apparently had a three-way war over the showers.

This caused the girls to avoid the lavatories for quite awhile. McGonagall had to escort the girls to the bathrooms, ensuring they shower and no insects around.

Then was the potions story, where the boys wanted to see the effects of brewing in reverse order. After that story was the most annoying and confusing, the day James became Sirius and Sirius became James. Our lastest prank involved numerous portraits and misplacing them.

This coming prank involved flooding Slughorn's classroom and office. We concluded raiding the storage cabinet where we'd delicately place each vial on the floor. The task required precision; just one wrong placement or movement would result in a disastrous domino effect.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

(Y/n) came with us for the flood prank, it went as planned. However, it took so much time and precision. It didn't help that Sirius and Peter messed up in the beginning, trapping us in the center of the room. In the end, we finished just barely in time before anyone could see us at the scene of the crime. It only took about 6 or 7 minutes to be a massive 'boom' and the castle to rumble. We had only just turned around the corridor!

All of us bolted, separating as best as we could.

Not like it ever did us much good since the professors already knew who their first suspects were.

(Y/N) was omitted at least until Sirius said something. The arse.

Our head of house was somewhat disappointed in (Y/N). I mean, McGonagall already knew what to expect from us, but not from (Y/N). Her evident disappointment in the female Gryffindor had hurt the girl in question and myself.

In the end, potions were suspended, at least until the room was repaired. Our punishment was to serve Slughorn though that didn't last long until we all got caught up in Sirius and James' water wars turn water vials fight.

Guess what was added to the list? Water vials were no longer allowed. Not that I minded. It kind of hurt, and it had a lot of glass.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Since our detention night with Slughorn, I noticed that (Y/N) started spending time with Evans. I was glad she made another friend, especially a girl. I doubt she wanted to surround herself with us guys all the time.

However, she was really becoming a close member of our group; James even started liking her. I could see how she disliked the way James and Sirius treated that Slytherin, Snape. It took me a bit to actually realize it; she would always tackle either one of the two down and wrestle them. I usually had to pry her off of them and escort whichever one got the most out of the beating to the infirmary.

Don't get me wrong. I agree with her thoughts. I didn't like how they bullied Severus. Now, he isn't exactly a saint, but he didn't deserve to be treated as harshly. Unlike (Y/N), I never did anything about it. I never say anything.

I'm a coward. I want to say something, to do something, but I can't. They were all my only friends, that's all I wanted. Should I lose them just to do the right thing?

To me... it... it isn't.

I just hope I won't live to regret it...

⛧｡:･ﾟ

Halloween was coming up. Unfortunately, I already told the gang I wouldn't be there because I had to take care of my aunt this time. They were confused, not understanding just why it had to be me to care for her. Honestly, they are right though, I know it's a terrible lie, but I don't really know what kind of excuse I could make up to explain why I am gone for so long.

The nagging thought that I usually ignored would plague me at times like these. How could they not? There were only so many excuses I could use for my disappearance. Eventually, they'll figure up something is amidst.

Merlin. I'm scared. I genuinely don't want that day to come. How could they accept me? A majority of the wizarding world is disgusted by werewolves... they'd be disgusted by me...

What kind of life could I live then? It wouldn't really be considered living when you become ostracized from your community. Yet, I never asked for this. I wasn't born this way.

I was caught in between my father's hatred for werewolves that made me this way. My life was stolen from me before it even began. Going to school gave me just a small piece of what things could have been.

My friends had plans to dress up for Halloween just for fun. I wouldn't be able to join them as much as I wanted. I had to prepare for that night, but at least I'd be able to see them just before the night.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

I... I actually don't know what to make of everyone's costumes. From what I saw, Sirius was some grey-skinned clown with yellow wings, wearing an obnoxious pink tutu. On his head was a blue wig adorned with a tiara that looked like it'd fall with just a single move. What was he even th- I'm not going to finish that because Sirius doesn't ever think things through.

James was essentially a poorly sewn potato sack horse, entirely dressed in brown. Peter's costume? God. I was quite confident it was something half-arsed crafted by Sirius and James. It was a horrible sight.

Out of all of them (Y/N) had the best look. I actually knew what her costume was, Joker. To be honest, she looked amazing. Her attire fitted her perfectly as if it was made just for her. Each color of every piece looked great in contrast with her natural features.

Her usual monochrome hair was slicked back and green. Merlin, just... wow. I don't think I could keep my eyes off of her. I wish I didn't have to look away from her.

I don't believe the professors will feel so festive as these four. No doubt, McGongugall will try to get them to change. However, that lot are stubborn as mules.

Well, in this case, James is a horse, heh.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

It was late in the evening when Madame Pomfrey began escorting me out of the infirmary. "Come on quickly!" She whispered in a hushed tone, trying to get me to go faster. I was sure she'd alert people way before me.

Our walk for the Shrieking Shack was silent. I didn't mind it exactly, but I couldn't shake off the eerie feeling of being watched. What if someone was following us? What if they expose me?

No... No... everyone was already in their common rooms, tucked in bed. Even if anyone were out of bed, they'd be caught by either the caretaker or lingering professors... Yeah.

I'm just paranoid.

I let out a shaky chuckle, it didn't do much to calm my nerves, but it was better than nothing. Pomfrey gave me a bizarre look, understandable, though.

By the time we got to the shack, I was quickly ushered in by the school matron, and once I was inside, she had left just as soon as I got in.  
I was used to this. As soon as I was inside, I made my way upstairs without bothering to close the door. Really, what was the point? The door would have been broken down as soon as I transformed.

It wasn't before long when the all too familiar pain quickly struck me without any warning. The feeling burned through every cell and fiber of my being. There wasn't anything like it. Just how bad it feels, it makes me wonder how could a person possibly suffer this much pain? It's completely unreal.

I don't think there's a way for me ever to get used to this level of pain.

My bones breaking and rearranging, extending. Every inch of my flesh is torn so that it could stretch for my new shape. There isn't a part of my body that's spared from the transformation. Organs shut down temporarily just to enlarge in their new positions. Buttons fly in various directions as the fabric of my clothes and the fabric of my clothes bursting and tearing; the sound faintly reminds me in some ways the striking of a match.

My brain is barely processing any of the agonies I'm enduring.

A werewolf transformation usually is about a minute, but under the extremities, it feels like hours.

Any to all my cries and wails of pain get caught in my throat, turning into guttural nonsense. I could hear the beast's screams in my head: the hunt, The Hunt, THE HUNT. It chants over and over.

At this point, I was too far gone, my mind no longer felt like my own as my most primal urges take over. Any pain subsides as I am injected with the euphoria of endorphins.

Hunt.

Must hunt.

⛧｡:･ﾟ

The beast's heart palpitated like a harsh, rhythmic drum—the hot borderline burning sensation coursed through its veins. It was just a surge of the ultimate high to feed its primal urges and savage desires.

The rush was just too much to contain as it howls once it had settled down, feeling more than comfortable in its form.

The creature needed to get out. There was only one thing that processed through its mind, its need to Hunt.

The need was clear to it. First, it had to get out of this confining place, which didn't take long for it to trash the room before making its way down the old flight of stairs where it hurled itself at the door, breaking it open.

Feeling the cold air of the night against its fur brought shivers to the beast. It was free.

It could do whatever it wanted.  
Hunt. Run.

What it wanted to do more than anything was to find a lone prey, stalk and hunt it, and then tear its teeth into its flesh. Tearing and ripping it apart like it was nothing.

The thought excited the creature beyond comprehension.

Rising its snout to the rain, there was a particular aroma that caught its attention.

Prey.

Silently tracking down its prey by its rich scent, the beast found itself just a few feet away from its unlucky quarry. It was clueless, unaware of the being behind it. This only further fueled the brute's anticipation. It couldn't help the need to howl, alerting its game so that the hunt could begin, where the real excitement began.

The prey slowly turned around, seeing the beast on its hind legs, towering over it. Fear. It could smell the waves of fear showering from its victim. The brute couldn't help be overwhelmed by the rush, the high, the uncontrol euphoria.

This was the moment the chase would begin, and it was ready.

The prey was given only a five-second head start before the beast dropped down onto all fours, racing after its prize.

However, the beast did not expect tonight's meal to be so resilient. It ran further and faster than most of its prey, but it shall soon tire out like the rest.

Soon enough, the beast's target had stumbled, falling and rolling down the hill, landing flat on its back, unmoving. This was the moment the brute has been waiting for, and now it could go in for the kill.

The hunt has ended.

Or so the beast thought. When it had made its descent down the hill, only a few feet away from the unconscious being, it was hurled back by an unseen force. The direction it came from was on the other side of the prey. Looking up with a scowl, the creature saw a tall being, another human, but it was older than its target lying on the ground. This one was much more powerful.

The creature bared its sharp teeth, scowling and circling the human. It was a male clad in a metallic-like blue shade, it held a stick pointing towards the beast, following its gaze. The standoff between the two souls lasted for quite a while until the creature decided to make it move, lunging straight for the wizard.

Just as the brute lept for the caster, a bright light shot out from the end of the wand, blasting the lycan away.

Smoke clouded around the area from the wizard's blast, hiding the beast from sight. All was still and quiet.

As the smoke subsided, there was no longer a werewolf laid on the ground, but Remus Lupin.

Unconscious, bare, and covered in scrapes and cuts.

"Albus!"

The headmaster of Hogwarts turned around. Running towards him was the school matron, Madame Pomfrey, and Professor McGonagall.

"What has happened, Albus?" McGonagall hiked her skirts up as she reached the headmaster and the two unconscious students. The school nurse knelt to (Y/N)'s side, checking on her before turning to see that the other student was the boy she had escorted only a few hours ago.

"It seems I've found a stray student out of bed, and just in time. Miss Lunaris has discovered Mr. Lupin's condition, unfortunately. She must have wondered too close when he had caught a whiff of her, resulting in a chase that would have ended badly had I not been here." Dumbledore glanced towards the girl who was being cared for by the female staff.

Minerva, at one point, had directed her attention towards Remus Lupin. The male student shivered, which did not go unnoticed to the Transfiguration mistress. She shrugged off her cloak, wrapping around him to keep him warm but also covered.

"We should quickly bring them back to the castle, Albus. I am sure Miss Lunaris had injured herself." Madame Pomfrey had gathered the girl up, placing one of her arms around her neck, supporting her as best as she could. With the aid of Minerva, of course.

Dumbledore had supported Remus back to the castle, who had regained consciousness on the way back. "Ugh..."

The elderly male looked down at the boy who groaned. "wh...ugh... what happened?" His confusion was clear as day as he rapidly blinked, trying to take in his surroundings. It was all alarming to them as he jolted before turning to notice Professor Dumbledore, smiling down at him.

"P-professor?" He knit his brows as he clutched onto the witch's cloak.

"It's alright now." Although the headmaster reassured Remus, everything was 'fine.' He couldn't help but worry. Just what had happened between the time of his transformation and now? Looking around, he instantly saw his head of house and the school matron, but what really caught his eye was the figure between the two women.

"wait... wait a moment. (Y-Y/N)? Is... is that (Y/N)?!" The Gryffindor boy couldn't help but launch forward, trying to reach his friend to see if she was okay, but he couldn't as he held back by Dumbledore.

"Miss Lunaris is fine, Remus. Please, let us get back inside." Remus's shoulders slump down as he nodded, hoping she was okay. He already had an idea of what has happened this evening, but he hoped he wasn't right. The thought filled him with dread.

He hoped that she hadn't found out about what he really is.

However, Remus knew it was too hopeful to think otherwise.

She had to have known his secret that he is a monster.

And that his life was once again over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for being patient and for reading. ♡°◌̊  
> I would also greatly appreciate it if you all could vote on a new poll of mine! Its in regards if you all would be interested in other works by me! You can vote yes, no, and other which you can be specific on what you'd like to see!  
> https://linkto.run/p/UMEBG7B5
> 
> sample fic/au ideas - feel free to message me on Tumblr for further specifics ♡°◌̊  
> https://slashercemetery.tumblr.com/huginn
> 
> Unrelated, I reinstalled sims 4 and got the SW pack and I am sad as f I can’t get with Kylo Ren. 🥺 (Thanks to wickedwhims we boned and had a daughter 😩)

**Author's Note:**

> (´∩｡• ᵕ •｡∩`) ♡ Enjoy this and Overthinker


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